 Article by Irving Schattner Edit and post design by Christy Zigweid Photo by Silentpilot via Pixabay made using @WordSwagApp As we head into a new year, I am reminded of how many people are out there needlessly suffering with anxiety and depression. I also ask myself why so many people are willing to “settle” when their lives could be so much better; filled with joy, purpose and direction. As I ponder this question, I am reminded of my own experience with anxiety and the years it “stole” from me; how it zapped my energy, denying me simple pleasures of life and forcing me to pass on opportunities that could have enriched my life. I remember an old television commercial from the United Negro College Fund stating how “a mind is a terrible thing to waste,” I reflect back on my own negative state of mind and how it colored a distorted lens through which I viewed myself and the world around me. My negative state of being easily led to feelings of frustration, anger, suspicion and, at times, hopelessness and despair. Yes, there were good times, but even the good times were short-lived, as anxiety and its aftermath would once again take hold and bring me back to my reality. And so, because I struggled with anxiety and feelings of sadness, hopelessness and despair, I contemplated the value of my worth which translated into a poor sense of self. Feeling somewhat lost and disconnected led me to feel sorry for myself and so rather than take action to do something to manage and overcome my negative emotional state, I continued to daydream about what my life could be like. I was living without a sense of real joy, purpose, or connection with myself and the world around me. It was hard for me to imagine anything other than how lousy I felt. Although I made my mark on some occasions and went through the motions on other occasions, I continued to feel unfulfilled and ridden with anticipatory and situational anxiety.  Unrealistically high expectations, a need to be perfect, possessing a strong need for approval, and fearing negative evaluation were the by-products of my anticipatory and social / situational anxiety. Seeing no way out, there were times when I pondered my miserable existence by entertaining thoughts of departing from this Earth. Fortunately, for me, these were only thoughts as I had no plans of acting on them. Realizing that doing myself in was a one-way trip with no return, I continued to hold out some hope that one day I would overcome my anxiety and live with joy, purpose and connection. Fortunately for me, that day came. I saw an ad in the local newspaper (this was many years ago before there were computers or the internet) advertising a group for persons suffering with anxiety and depression. Of course, as fear was typically my guide, I came up with a number of reasons why I couldn’t attend:
Despite all these excuses, I finally decided that despite my suspicion and ambivalence about how the group could be of help, I would give it a shot and go.  Photo by vait_mcright via Pixabay So, I showed up to group about a half-hour earlier in order to ease myself into this potentially terrifying situation. The last thing I wanted to do was walk in and have all eyes upon me. As each new member showed up, I said “hello” and introduced myself in an attempt to desensitize myself from the anxiety of what was yet to come. When all the members filed in, and the group room door was closed, I felt a wave of intense panic overcome me. My immediate thoughts were “What the hell am I doing here?" followed by “What if they notice how nervous I am?” and “What if I feel the need to walk out and leave?” It was a living hell on Earth. Despite my intense fear and anxiety, I did stay (probably because I was too embarrassed to draw attention to leaving) and somehow muddled through. Sitting in a group filled with fellow anxiety suffers, my thoughts were focused on how “together” many of the members appeared and how out of place I felt. I was going through the motions while frozen with fear. I listened to people share and when it was my turn, I shared very little and was quite general and superficial. In what seemed like an out-of-body experience, I listened to what others had to share while very much preoccupied with my own internal state of mind and physiological state. When the group adjourned for the evening, I felt relief, said goodbye, got into my car, and went home. On the way home, my anxiety eventually diminished while my evaluative self remained. Despite my success at attending the anxiety group, my anticipatory anxiety persisted as I continued to ponder reasons for not returning to next week’s group. The closer I got to the day of the next group, the stronger these negative feelings were. Despite my excuses and negative frame of mind, I went back to group the following week, followed by the next week and the week following that, and so on. With each meeting, I shared more and came to realize that no one was judging me; I was the only one doing the judging. And...over time, my comfort level with group increased. I came to realize that despite our different life experiences, we all shared the burden of living with anxiety and were all committed to finding freedom through mutual aid and support.  Photo by rebeccaread via Pixabay Attending the anxiety group was a turning point in my life. It led me to pursue individual therapy, where I unraveled the mystery behind what was fueling my anxiety and learned healthy strategies for finding joy, purpose and direction. My most important lesson in therapy was learning that despite my worst fears and scenarios, my anxiety would not kill me. I came to realize that the more I tried to hold onto or “control my anxiety,” the more my anxiety controlled me. (This is known as a “paradox,” which involves doing the opposite of what your brain is telling you to do). And so, despite my initial resistance, with support, encouragement, and even prodding by my therapist, I began to allow myself to feel that which I feared most – my anxiety. At first it was scary as hell. My therapist was asking me to do the very thing I was avoiding, facing my anxiety and allowing it to pass through me while continuing to do whatever I was doing. But with repeated practice, my anxiety came to diminish in intensity, as I allowed myself to “face it, feel it, and let it pass through.” Through this process of walking through my anxiety, I came to the realization that fighting my anxiety was futile, and learning to accept (rather than fear) what I was feeling was my answer to gaining freedom from anxiety. In telling my personal story, my wish is for you to reach out and seek help. If I can do it, so can you. It takes some courage and persistence, but the payoff is tremendous. Since my recovery from anxiety, my life has only gotten better. Yes, like most people, I still feel anxiety from time to time, but it no longer throws me into a panic. I now see my anxiety as a way of letting me know that something is troubling me and use the skills learned in therapy to channel this anxiety for positive change. And… as a licensed clinical social worker / psychotherapist, I’ve taken what I’ve learned (both personally and professionally) into helping others achieve freedom from anxiety and depression. Take the challenge… step out of your comfort zone, attend a support group and seek professional help for your anxiety and depression. Warm regards, Irving Schattner, LCSW About the Author - Irving Schattner, LCSW
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 As a little girl, I was a worrier. I worried about silly things like spiders in my bed, aliens living next door, whether my friends liked me, and what to wear to school. As I grew, so did my worries. Boyfriends and jobs, teachers and classes, filled my thoughts, the normal concerns of any young girl. But there were other worries that consumed me, like a brother who ran away, and another who clung to me when parents fought. I worried about our parents, and whether their worries would tear them apart. I worried myself into teenage anorexia, which became my coping mechanism for dealing with stress. As a teen, I was expected to fit in, eat with my friends, and munch on snacks all day long, which made me eventually give up anorexia, and worry about my weight. Every time I thought about my weight, I exercised, twirled my hair, fidgeted in my chair, and clicked my fingers, my new ways of dealing with anxiety.  Photo by mojzagrebinfo via Pixabay I worried so much, I was often sick, sometimes for a month at a time. I missed school, and wondered if I’d get my work done, or even pass my grade. I worried about the flu and colds I often developed, unexplained fevers, and sores that covered the inside of my mouth. By adulthood, I was a flustered, stressed-out, overthinking mess. Only by now, I was getting better at hiding my worries. I hid them behind too much work and fussing constantly in my home. I disguised my worries in sleepless nights. No one, not my children, parents, or husband, knew the constant brooding in my head. I guess you could say, in some strange way, I had control over my worries. Only I didn’t. A few years ago, they all came tumbling out. As my husband and I sat in our car, waiting to turn into a tiny fruit stand, another vehicle rammed into us. I don’t remember the crush of metal against metal, or my brain being flung from one side of my skull to another. What I do remember is standing on the side of the road after the accident, and panicking. Heart-thumping, body-shaking, sweat-dripping, panic. In one brief second, the only control I’d ever had over my worries, was gone, and there was nothing I could do. And to this day, I still have problems controlling my panic.  Photo by Alexas_Fotos via Pixabay Recently, a string of events, some unforeseen, some planned, sent me over the proverbial edge. In less than two months, three sets of guests stayed overnight, my husband lost one job and gained another, we went on an out-of-state trip, I was called to jury duty, and I experienced a health scare. To top it off, my children were experiencing their own sets of problems, and though they are adults, I still worried. I worried about everyone those few months: My guests, whether they were happy, comfortable, and having fun; my husband, his old job, his new job, his salary, his benefits. I worried about my children, and their futures. I even found time to worry about a brother who was moving away. It wasn’t unusual for me to worry, but now, my worries were different. I no longer knew how to control them. I no longer knew how to hide behind daily activities. Those two months were filled with a shaking body, constant tears, and a temper that flared for no reason. When it was over, I’d fall in bed, confused, and exhausted beyond belief. Other things had changed in me as well. Worry wasn’t just a part of my life, it consumed me. So much, I’d forget to eat, nap, and exercise. In other words, I’d forget about me.  It wasn’t until I received the envelope from the courthouse that I began to figure it out. I knew what it was before I opened it. With shaking hands, I read the neatly printed words on the page, and began to cry. “What is it?” asked my husband. “I have jury duty.” Thoughts raced through my mind. How could I sit in a stuffy courtroom, next to people I didn’t know? What if I didn’t understand what was being said? What if I got tired or needed to eat? Instead of thinking it through, I worried about every scenario. “I can’t do it,” I cried. My husband took me in his arms. “You were called to jury duty a few years ago,” he said. “Your doctor wrote a letter. Call her tomorrow. I’m sure she’ll write another one.” She did. But until I had that final notice in my hand, the one that said I wasn’t required to show up for jury duty, I was a freaked-out, stressed, worried mess. Unfortunately, I had one more thing to worry about. The next week, I received a call from a medical specialist I had recently seen. “We found something on your tests. You need a biopsy,” she said. I hung up the phone, and began to sob. I cried until every muscle ached and my mind reeled with tons of thoughts and emotions. I was convinced life was over, that I’d never celebrate another Christmas, never see another birthday. I was saddened by a family I’d lose, one that I’d no longer be there for, one I wouldn’t see grow and change. By the time I went to the doctor, I was falling apart. Every crease in my face accentuated, every muscle tensed, every word shook as I spoke. A nurse was brought in to hold my hand during my biopsy. As I look back now, I am truly embarrassed by the way I acted. It’s true, it was a stressful time. It would have been stressful for anyone. But I wonder if others would have reacted the way I did. I’ve tried to gain control of my emotions, my worries, my life, but I’m not certain I can. It is a part of who I am, a flaw I am learning to live with. But I know this, I will never quit trying. If anything good has come from my emotional traumas, it is this: My marriage is stronger, for I no longer hide behind flaws. Each flaw is beautifully displayed, for my husband, and all the world, to see; I am stronger. I am learning every day to accept who I am; and most importantly, I am learning to take care of me. About the Author
 Guest Post by Two Wise Chicks Post Design by Christy Zigweid Photo by Unsplash via Pixabay made using @WordSwagApp If Christmas is in your life, then you will be very familiar with the idea of writing a letter to the big bearded guy. Can you believe it's writing-to-Santa-time again - already?! Typically, young kids' letters are checklists of 'wants', along with parent-nudged-politeness like "Dear Santa, hope you are well and have had a good year", or "I hope Mrs. Claus is well" and, ideally, a "thanks so much for last year's gift I LOVE it! :)" With age and awareness these letters get more personal, and can sometimes include emotional pleas ("climate stabilisation, a different US president") and other more heart-wrenching requests ("please help my gran/brother/aunt/dad get better") These are the things that, unfortunately, Santa can't control. For if he could, I'm certain he would fix all of these things for us... We often can't remember what age we stopped writing letters to Santa. Or why. Perhaps it felt just too 'childish' at some point? Some adults still write them, and beautifully. They'll start popping up on social media around now; moving masterpieces of human desire and hopes, things of beauty. These adults who write to Santa write because they believe that if you don't believe that you can receive, you don't receive. If we don't believe, we don't receive. It seems almost too simple. Can we make ourselves believe (in) something? 'Belief' is something about which we are passionate. Professional and personal experience keeps teaching us that our beliefs about ourselves dictate our behaviours. Ponder this: if I believe I am worthy, I act in ways that reflect that (without having to think a lot about it). If I believe I am not worthy, then I also act in ways that reflect that (especially if I am not thinking a lot about it). Beliefs don't stop at "I am worthy" (although, truth be told, this might be one of the most encompassing and important for most). There are hundreds, maybe thousands of beliefs that inform our lives on a daily basis. Some of the ones that feature in therapy and have wide-and-long reaching effects on a person's day-to-day life include:
Do any of these resonate with you? Can we change what we believe about ourselves? Yes we can, with awareness and practice. It means choosing to think and act in ways that align with what you would rather believe about yourself. And doing that over and over. And over. Repeating these (more) healthy thoughts and actions until you don't have to think about it so much. Until it becomes a habit. Your new habit. Until you believe 'it' about yourself. And when we believe these things, we receive "more". More respect, better relationships, better health. How? Possibly the most important step, is first identifying which core belief we have about ourselves is the one we want to change. That can be the hardest part. Once we know what it is (and come to terms with the fact), we can work on how to change it. There are plenty of resources out there for us to work with (friends, books, workshops, counsellors, therapists). It is healing and empowering to realise that our beliefs about ourselves can limit our happiness - we cannot fix what we don't acknowledge. So in a very real sense, knowledge is power. Your letter to Santa: So, what about taking a little time this week to write your own letter to Santa? And ask for something that money can't buy, but could be absolutely life-changing? In that letter, write what you would really like to believe about yourself this year (and always). Write about how you would like to know how to overcome the belief that holds you back. That belief that stops you from being fully present, aware, focused, connected, even vulnerable. There is no 'right' way to write your letter. Simply write from the heart, write what you feel (even if it doesn't make 'sense'). Writing is a time-honoured addition to successful therapy, and the beauty of it is that it works in the comfort of your own home, with any old piece of paper or pencil or pen you have. It even works on a keyboard - and it's FREE! Which is always nice... To help you along the way we've put up a template here. It'll only take a few minutes to print out and fill in, and it might be one of the nicest gifts you've ever given yourself - plus it literally won't cost you anything!!! Mind you until the next time, and may Santa (may you) be kind generous to you.   About the Authors  Sally O’Reilly
Sally wants to help create a world of compassion for ourselves and others. A world where mistakes are allowed, gender roles don’t exist, sex ed in schools is a real thing and everyone dances – lovely! As a psychologist and psychotherapist in Ireland, she’s worked for nearly twenty years in private practice, with adults and trainee adults of all ages. She blogs on her own website, is a feature writer for super duper parenting website Voiceboks.com, does print and radio media work and has been known to Tweet. She’s the one running our Twitter page! When she’s not working, you will find her engrossed in Science Fiction or some dark and Danish TV show, listening to music, watching the sea (while really, really wishing it were warmer), or figuring out how to work Lightroom on her Mac. All while munching on Bombay mix. #multitasker! She’s happiest when dancing and erm…. her cat has his own Facebook page. We won’t link to that, it’s too embarrassing.. Tanya Tinney Tanya looks forward to living in a world where people know their worth, respect boundaries, and always have time for tea and chocolate. A magic bubble that protects her from sticky fingers, hormonal girls and dog hair would be awesome as well. Her education and much of her training is in the areas of psychology and human potential. She worked as a licensed psychologist for over 14 years, with 10 of those years spent building her own successful private practice. In total, she has over 20 years of varied experience working, volunteering for non-profit agencies, and consulting to small business. Most recently she has launched her dream online coaching practice where she gets to work with motivated, amazing women who need help overcoming life’s hurdles. Exciting times! She has lived in Ireland, Ethiopia (okay, just 6 months), Canada, and currently lives in central Texas with her husband, three girls (including fraternal twins), two dogs and three cats. When she’s not finding ‘everyday moments’ to write about here or on her own blog, you can find her being walked by her dogs, unearthing unidentifiable food-objects under the couch cushions or baking her famous banana bread. Tanya runs our Facebook page – and not to be outdone by Sally’s cat, her dog has its own Facebook page too.  Guest Post by Irving Schattner Edit and Post Design by Christy Zigweid Photo by Antranias via Pixabay made using @WordSwagApp Long-term relationships and marriage require your work, attention, and ability to grow through challenges. Oftentimes couples stay stuck in problematic patterns and are unable to grow together. Drawing from my experience in working with couples, whether married or cohabitating, I’ve identified some reasons why these relationships fail to thrive and ultimately unravel. While this list is not exhaustive, identifying with any of these 7 indicators should give one pause and call forth the need for some sort of intervention. Poor communication Couples who refuse to listen to one another’s needs, desires and life goals, talk over one another, are embroiled in conflict, hostility, blame and /or defensiveness, are basically waging war with the enemy rather than constructively and lovingly engaging with the person who should be their best friend. Couples want to feel safe, cared for, and loved rather than feeling they are embroiled in a war zone. The need of one or more partners to be “right” leads to a judgmental attitude and anger which derail communication and, therefore, problem solving. Conflict avoidance leads to emotional and physical disconnect. Unsuccessful attempts at engagement result in one or more partners giving up and withdrawing. As disengagement intensifies, the relationship is at impasse and requires outside help to re-engage.  Addictions and other maladaptive behaviors Addictions and other compulsive and maladaptive behaviors lead to lies and deceit, betrayal, and erosion of trust, hurt and pain. Attempts to placate or pacify the addict lead to denial and co-dependence by the non-using partner who, in effect, becomes part of the problem rather than the solution by bailing out the addicted partner and, consequently, sustaining the addiction. The addiction must be addressed through treatment, as well as support for the non-abusing partner. Laziness and other character flaws Love is based on mutual trust and respect. Lies and deceit, disloyalty, unwillingness to help out their partner, or withdrawal from or avoidance of financial, social, and household responsibilities, shift the burden onto their partner. What should be a partnership of equals feels more like an unbalanced parent / child relationship.  Poor boundaries Stepping outside of the relationship to satisfy fantasies and unresolved needs and desires can lead to disengagement from one’s partner and eventual dissolution of one’s primary relationship. It’s important for couples to share their needs, desires, and fantasies with one another rather than an outsider. Once boundaries are crossed, it’s difficult if not impossible to repair the damage and hurt inflicted on one’s relationship. While some partners are willing to work on damage control and repair, for others the hurt and distrust caused by “stepping out” can never be reconciled and are beyond repair. Disrespect A healthy relationship depends on acceptance, appreciation, admiration, and feeling emotionally secure. Hurt and anger undermine the relationship when differences of opinion turn into contempt, criticism, lack of respect, and minimizing or discrediting your partner’s thoughts or feelings. When one or both partners feel mistreated or unfairly judged, there is a tendency to retaliate in kind or withdraw and not share one’s thoughts and ideas. Showing love to one’s partner under these conditions is often difficult. Aggression or explosive outbursts Expressing one’s anger in a constructive way can lead to healthy problem solving. However, when practiced aggressively or with rage, it can invoke fear and avoidance, which undermine constructive communication and can lead to serious physical and emotional abuse. When this occurs, the implicit expectation of safety, security, and trust in the relationship is seriously undermined as things spiral out of control. Together yet apart While it is healthy and realistic to have interests outside of one’s relationship, preferring the solitude of one’s company or the company of others at the expense of sharing activities and free time with one’s partner is a strong indicator of a problematic relationship. Failure to address the emotional and physical needs of one’s partner through shared interests and pursuits, can lead to disengagement from one’s partner and ultimately dissolution of the relationship. About the Author - Irving Schattner, LCSW
 Guest post by Jessica Morris Blog design by Christy Zigweid Photo by tspdave via Pixabay made using @WordSwagApp It is a single thought, triggering feelings of anxiety in my stomach that gravitate upwards towards my brain, and down towards my feet. It sweeps in, its dark cloak hiding the light of reality, shrouding my mind in confusion that will circle until I distract it, or until it becomes exhausted from repetition. In any case, it will eventually fly away, waiting for the next opportunity to come and consume my mind and body. My obsessive-compulsive tendencies do not appear like they say in the books. In them, they show pictures of people washing hands and meticulously lining up objects in order of color and size. I have been known to do these things, but they are not the compulsions that threaten to break me.  Photo by geralt via Pixabay It is the thoughts. It is the constant cycle as they spin round and round and round and round—like a death march pulling me closer towards an abyss that doesn’t even exist. They create a maze, which, if I am not careful, I begin to believe I am trapped in. A maze of never-ending thoughts, feelings and uncontrollable behaviors. I hate my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I do not even like to call it mine; after all, it does not define me. It is but a collection of chemicals and synapses. But in those moments, when I can’t see or think of anything but that which I fear, I start to believe that we are one and the same. In the seconds the thought begins, it traces its way through my body towards a reaction. I have learnt to recognize it almost immediately. Once it would keep me up—minutes and hours and days spent obsessing over the same incident. Through time, however, I have become accustomed to OCD’s plans and schemes. How it latches onto words and names, faces and memories. How it likes to catch me off guard when I am tired and burnt out, delivering unfounded threats, saying it will topple my years in recovery and the many times I have conquered it. The moments it strikes are hard to overcome, because it is difficult to prevent your body from reacting to something it is programmed to respond to. It’s like having something wrestle you to the ground, but when you try to fight back, it increases its grip. Only by waiting out the moment does the thought and sensation lose its power. And ever so slowly, it leaves you alone and the chemicals in your brain make a new, healthier path, allowing you to see that the attacker wasn’t even really there. It was all just thoughts and chemicals, pulling you into a parallel reality. Sending you into panic mode. I know that I am stronger than these thoughts and compulsions. As a teenager I would visualize my fears, and they kept me shut inside my bedroom, afraid of myself and the world around me.  I found freedom when I told my parents about these thoughts—about how I was scared they were real, and that I was living a lie. I found freedom when, with the support of my psychiatric nurse, I took short walks in the daylight, slowly decreasing my irrational fear of being attacked outside of the home. I found freedom when I realized that I didn’t want to die, even when the thoughts and compulsions told me I did. The truth is, OCD has robbed me of a lot. Sometimes it still tries to steal precious minutes of my days. But I have realized that who I am today—the strong, resilient woman I have become—would not exist without it. By facing OCD and anxiety, I have learned that small steps lead to grand adventures, and short walks outside bolster courage within me to explore new lands. By struggling with OCD and anxiety, I have learned to have empathy and compassion towards people who are different to me, because I have questioned my own identity too. By questioning OCD and anxiety, I have redefined and re-evaluated what I believe, and why I want to be alive. And by overcoming OCD and anxiety, I have learnt that this all-encompassing illness does not define me. I am not the thoughts it places in my head, or the panic that sets in about something I am in control of. I am not the insomnia, or the chemicals and hormones racing around my body, triggered by a lingering doubt in my mind.  I am so much more than this. I am brave and bold, fearless and courageous. Yet I would not possess these in such great quantities if I did not battle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I have hope that one day the OCD will pass forever. That the triggers of this season will cease, as did those of past years. That the fears they bring will be overcome with love and patience and trust. That I will become so confident and certain of my own worth and identity that the moment a thought attempts to trigger a compulsion it will be blocked by my own self-love. Until then, I ride it out. I take the moments OCD strikes as an indicator that I need rest, and I revel in the victory awaiting me on the other side of it. I redefine OCD as an illness, not an identity—a moment, rather than a lifetime. I am not my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but because of it I have become me. And that is why I will overcome it, every single time. This excerpt comes from Jessica’s memoir, When Hope Speaks available now from jessicamorris.net. About the Author
 Article by Steve Johnson Edit and Post Design by Christy Zigweid Photo by skeeze via Pixabay made using @WordSwagApp We all know the importance of physical exercise. It has the power to heal the body, clear the mind, and keep our waistlines in check. While regular exercise should be a top priority for everyone, it’s especially important for people with disabilities to stick to a moderate exercise regimen. Here are a few tips to help you ensure getting plenty of exercise stays a part of your daily routine. Create a Plan and Set Your GoalsThink about what kind of exercise would work for you, what kind of results you want, and your overall goals for your physical health. Consider whether you want to work out at home or whether group exercise will be more motivating for you. Write it all down and use it to help create your exercise plan. There are plenty of resources online for people with disabilities looking to create an active lifestyle. There’s also adapted versions of popular exercise activities that may be more suitable for people with limited physical ability, like chair yoga, aquatic exercise, and adaptive Alpine skiing. Remember, your exercise plan doesn’t need to be intense or complicated–as long as you commit to doing it regularly you’ll see benefits. Consider Alternative TherapiesMany alternative therapies will help you heal while also getting exercise. For example, aquatic therapy has been shown to improve muscle strength, flexibility, and balance while helping to decrease pain. Another option is to get a therapy dog. Therapy dogs can help reduce symptoms of depression and PTSD while encouraging physical exercise through dog walks and play. Work with Professionals If you’d like some help creating or implementing your exercise plan, consider getting advice and encouragement from a health care professional like a doctor or physical therapist. There are also personal trainers who specialize in fitness for people disabilities. All 3 types of professionals should be able to help you figure out what you’re capable of and what activities you’ll enjoy. Keep in mind that–depending on your disability–you might need to seek clearance from your doctor before starting a new exercise regimen.  Photo by Andrew Malone via Flickr Listen to Your BodyWhether you work with others or go it alone, always remember to listen to your body. Tune in to any physical sensations you have during exercise and know when to take a break. Remember–you should feel like you are putting your body to work, but you shouldn’t be feeling pain. If you find yourself in pain during exercise, stop immediately and consult with your doctor before continuing. If you’re experiencing chronic pain, it may be more rest that you need rather than more intense activity. Work with your physician to find the right balance. Sticking to an exercise routine can have its ups and downs, but once you start, the physical and mental health benefits you see will make it well worth it. ABOUT THE AUTHOR Steve Johnson has always been dedicated to promoting health and wellness in all aspects of life. Studying in the medical field has shown him how important it is for reputable health-related facts, figures, tips, and other guidance to be readily available to the public. He created PublicHealthLibrary.org with a fellow student to act as a resource for people’s overall health inquiries and as an accurate and extensive source of health information. When he isn’t hard at work in his studies, Steve enjoys playing tennis and listening to his vintage record collection.
Have you ever felt like a fraud? Do you treat yourself poorly? This is the episode for you!
In this podcast Lara Heacock comes on to discuss The Impostor Syndrome and The Self Kindness Revolution. 
ABOUT LARA (From Her Website)
Hi! I’m Lara Heacock, and I believe, so strongly, in being kind to yourself. My Kind Over Matter story began after decades of trying to check all the “right” boxes… I got the degree (in Psychology) and then an MBA. I got a house and a husband, and I poured my heart and soul into a very successful 11 year career as a professional recruiter and leader. I was the strong one holding everyone else up, determined to maintain the image that I had everything perfectly under control, and could do it all! I was the good one, the reliable one, the one who had it all together, but I wasn’t happy. There was nothing left for me. Eventually, I was exhausted. I couldn’t fall asleep at night and had no energy during the day. I felt disconnected, misunderstood and angry…a lot…especially at my husband. Even though I’d cultivated this ‘perfect’ image, I still struggled with how I felt when I looked in the mirror, but I thought it was weak to share any of this. After all, I was the strong one! What would people think? I was not good at asking for help, and kept hoping that staying busy and having nice stuff would make me feel better. When I realized that I could no longer get out of bed on time to get to work, and that I was procrastinating everything because I felt insecure & anxious, I knew something had to change. My emotional balloon was about to burst! I started being kind to & taking care of myself, and everything changed. I was happier, felt balanced and got “me” back! My marriage improved and my stress level went WAY down. I even found the courage to pursue my lifelong dream of becoming an Executive Life Coach. It was the start of a journey that changed my life. I will never forget sitting in my first day of coaching training and admitting that I was afraid everything was fake and there was nothing underneath. Guess what?
You can’t do it alone either, and you don’t have to. When I learned to love and take care of myself, everything changed. I found my inner light. I built a foundation of self-kindness and acceptance, and am now better equipped to handle what life throws at me. Through my training, I was able to re-claim my self-worth, self-respect and creativity. If I can change, so can you! Since then, I’ve spent hundreds of hours helping others:
Life is short, and you deserve to enjoy yours fully! Let me show you how. Click HERE to read about working with Lara  Have you ever wondered what on earth people are banging on about when they mention 'healthy boundaries?' The word 'boundaries' comes up a lot in therapy, in coaching, in life actually! We may have a sense of what boundaries are but the concept can be difficult to describe. Boundaries are not concrete. There are no hard-and-fast rules, no one-size-fits-all to boundaries. So, if you're not sure what exactly they are, then you are most certainly not alone. Because we create and maintain our own boundaries, they are often something we don't even notice. It's becomes an 'unconscious habit'. If we are lucky, we've had parents or other adults who have role modeled healthy boundaries to us and we learn automatically how to have and set healthy boundaries, too. With some luck, we know when to say 'yes' or 'no' - and feel no fear when we do it. If we are lucky. But not everyone is that lucky. We know that healthy boundaries are rooted firmly in a clear sense of self-worth. If we value ourselves, we tend to have healthy boundaries and if we don't, or if we're uncertain about our worth, then our boundaries become fuzzy, weak, rigid, broken. And that means we are vulnerable to getting hurt or abused (or we may even hurt others!).If you have found yourself saying "People always take advantage of me" or asking "Why am I always treated so badly?!" then it's possible that you have "unhealthy" boundaries. The good news is that this is totally workable! So what do healthy boundaries look like? Do you have someone in your life whom you just know will not allow you to take advantage of them? Whom you just know will say 'no' if you try to push them to do something they don't want? Who won't meet you or do you a favour unless they are truly able and have the time? Who will respectfully give you time when it's right for them and who can say no to you without being aggressive or rude? Who won't take you on the mother of all guilt trips? That person has healthy boundaries. They are clear about what's right for them and they can stand their ground and own their decisions without attacking or blaming you, others or themselves. They have a strong sense of self worth - and by that we mean, they believe they are worthy of good treatment. And, even if you don't always like that they say no when you would rather that they say yes, you probably feel safe with this person. You have a sense that they are 'solid.' That's their boundaries that you're sensing right there People with healthy boundaries don't just treat themselves with respect - they naturally treat those around them with respect, too. So, what do unhealthy boundaries look like? An unhealthy boundary leads us to say 'yes' when we'd rather say 'no.' When we do that, we may become resentful, aggressive, and we may not take responsibility for our own choices and decisions. When we have poor boundaries, we often surround ourselves with similarly boundaried people and wind up being abused (or being abusive) - in mild ways all the way up to dangerous ways. Self-Assessment: If we are feeling like we are blaming others, or feeling victimised constantly, that might be a sign that our boundaries need some attention.  Not all boundaries are healthy! So - now you've watched it - how would you rate your boundaries Here's another insight: sometimes our boundaries are really strong and healthy in some situations or with some people, and really poor with others. We challenge you to check: *What's happening to your sense of self-worth in the places where you have difficulty? * What are you saying to yourself about YOU? * What beliefs do you have that are influencing the way you allow yourself to be treated? Like Tanya says in the video there, our boundaries are not the responsibility of others. Naturally, we deserve respect. But we alone can teach other people that we believe we are worthy of that respect, and we can only teach others if we believe it about ourselves first. Now - have fun with those condoms! ;) Warmly,  Us! ps: Please feel free to comment below with any other analogies you can share with us to help explain the idea of boundaries - we'd love to hear them! pps: We wrote a detailed "Saying No" piece last year if you're interested in reading more. About the Authors  Sally O’Reilly
Sally wants to help create a world of compassion for ourselves and others. A world where mistakes are allowed, gender roles don’t exist, sex ed in schools is a real thing and everyone dances – lovely! As a psychologist and psychotherapist in Ireland, she’s worked for nearly twenty years in private practice, with adults and trainee adults of all ages. She blogs on her own website, is a feature writer for super duper parenting website Voiceboks.com, does print and radio media work and has been known to Tweet. She’s the one running our Twitter page! When she’s not working, you will find her engrossed in Science Fiction or some dark and Danish TV show, listening to music, watching the sea (while really, really wishing it were warmer), or figuring out how to work Lightroom on her Mac. All while munching on Bombay mix. #multitasker! She’s happiest when dancing and erm…. her cat has his own Facebook page. We won’t link to that, it’s too embarrassing.. Tanya Tinney Tanya looks forward to living in a world where people know their worth, respect boundaries, and always have time for tea and chocolate. A magic bubble that protects her from sticky fingers, hormonal girls and dog hair would be awesome as well. Her education and much of her training is in the areas of psychology and human potential. She worked as a licensed psychologist for over 14 years, with 10 of those years spent building her own successful private practice. In total, she has over 20 years of varied experience working, volunteering for non-profit agencies, and consulting to small business. Most recently she has launched her dream online coaching practice where she gets to work with motivated, amazing women who need help overcoming life’s hurdles. Exciting times! She has lived in Ireland, Ethiopia (okay, just 6 months), Canada, and currently lives in central Texas with her husband, three girls (including fraternal twins), two dogs and three cats. When she’s not finding ‘everyday moments’ to write about here or on her own blog, you can find her being walked by her dogs, unearthing unidentifiable food-objects under the couch cushions or baking her famous banana bread. Tanya runs our Facebook page – and not to be outdone by Sally’s cat, her dog has its own Facebook page too.  Guest post by Luke Cochran Edit and Post design by Christy Zigweid Photo by superanton via Pixabay CC made using @WordSwagApp Sitting deep in a closet under my basement stairs lies my PlayStation 3. For years, it has been sitting there unused, dormant. However, a recent study has motivated me to dig it out of its tomb and donate it to help those in need. In a 2012 study by The University of Utah, video games had a positive impact on children diagnosed with chronic illnesses. Much of the impact came from the mental stimulation users experience when gaming. The study outlines how the patients interacted with games designed for therapeutic use. The University News Center describes how, "their own Patient Empowerment Exercise Video Game (PE Game), an activity-promoting game specifically designed to improve resilience, empowerment, and a “fighting spirit” for pediatric oncology patients." The study also included other games noted for their therapeutic use with chronic illness. Click here to see a preview of some of the games used in the study. The video games used were also renowned for their promotion of "positive attitude and empowerment" - feelings that the study suggests stem from a games ability to "activate positive emotions and reward systems." This helped strengthen a "fighting spirit" for the patients, trickling down to other health related benefits. Playing a Role in the Future of Medicine Roger Altizer, a professor at the University of Utah’s College of Fine Arts and director of game design and production for the program, pointed towards the role the games can play in the future of personalized medicine. He spoke on how these games can motivate people in very individual ways because of how engaging and immersive the experience can be. With this news comes not only reassurance that my countless hours on PlayStation 3 were of some benefit, but there is now so much possibility ahead for those children diagnosed with chronic illnesses. Just as people learn in different ways, so do patients when responding to different forms of treatment. While it will be a challenge to develop games tailored for therapeutic development, it should be in no comparison to the benefits it can provide so many people. Therefore, instead of letting my PlayStation 3 collect dust, I think I'll put it to good use. Sending it to an organization like GameCrate (www.GameCrate.us) will make sure my games are reaching their full potential. Connect with Luke  
In this inspirational podcast interview, pancreatic cancer survivor Anne Shafer shares the story of her battle and recovery. She opens up about the emotional aspects of the fight as well as practical strategies for self-care after diagnosis and through recovery. Anne also discusses the 'Whipple Procedure' and its impact on her recovery. This interview is a 'must listen' for anyone with a pancreatic cancer diagnosis, or those that love them.
Podcast Links:
www.pancreatic.org www.pancan.org Mayo Clinic on the Whipple Procedure: Link Greenville Health System’s Center for Integrative Oncology and Survivorship |
 
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