 Windows are smashed. Doors morph from one side to nearly the other. Glass glitters like fiery dust beneath the broken vehicle. It is a scene stuck in time. No hurried footsteps, no one rushing from ambulance to automobile. I shudder as I sit in my car. The accident reminds me of my own, though mine wasn’t nearly as severe. But the images, the feelings, the emotions, they are the same. Fear. Anxiety. Worry. I worry every time I step into a vehicle, for reasons such as this. Crashes. Life that ends, or is wounded forever. I worry my brain will once again be flung inside my skull, and memories will be lost, maybe this time for good.  It sounds selfish to think of myself, doesn’t it? But I can’t help it. Once the brain has failed, you are afraid of it failing for eternity. As I sit in this place, at a light that is forever red, I wonder about the people in the car, who they were, what they were doing when they were hit. Were they mothers, fathers, children? Was it a couple on vacation, like my husband and I had been? A thousand drums pound in my head, my gut twists like a knotted rope, my heart beats inside my chest. Sweat drips down my neck. It’s doing that now. I tremble. Shake. My knees bounce. I push them down. “Turn green,” I say to the light. “Please turn green.” I have no choice but to watch the situation before me, and wonder what could have been. Five minutes earlier, would it have been me?  The light changes, and I drive away, turning my head as I pass. Nothing has changed. A car on an empty stage. A mesmerized audience, waiting for the outcome. I lift my hand, wipe away tears that slide down my cheeks, and begin to pray, “Please, Lord, help the people in that car, if they can still be helped. Be with their families, whoever they are. And, Lord, help me, too. I am so afraid.” It could happen again. I know this is true. There’s probably nothing I can do to stop it. I’m afraid I will worry anyway. But something has changed in my worrying. Where once I only worried about me, I now worry about others, too. When sirens scream, and emergency vehicles rush past, I worry about the injured, and about me. And then I pray, not just for me, but others, too. About The Author
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 Guest Post by Sally O'Reilly Edit and Post Design by Christy Zigweid Image by Geralt via Pixabay Design made in Canva I've taken up running again (grateful nod to the best physio in the world), and to keep me company I've downloaded hours of nerdy sciencey podcasts - and it's brilliant! My current addiction is "You Are Not So Smart" - it's super informative and one doesn't have to be a scientist or academic to 'get' it. And it has this way of helping you to understand that a lot of what you thought you knew is wrong - or at least has been improved upon. If only I could force all the world leaders to subscribe...AND it's free! ( As I'm here I also recommend 99% Invisible and The infinite Monkey Cagewhich is very funny as well as fascinating). So, here's the thing: my colleagues and I have noticed a worrying trend in self-harm. The figures are on the rise, despite a falling suicide rate. So something else must be going on. While I've blogged before on what to do if someone you love self-harms, I've never talked about the why. And that's because I wasn't aware of any evidence based peer-reviewed research that had a proper look at that question. But yesterday, while trotting around Castlemartyr, my new podcast jolted me into awareness. (seriously, it's great, I do recommend downloading it). The experimentThree years ago a series of experiments was done to look at how we manage sitting with our own thoughts. Essentially, the subjects were given 6-15 minutes to sit in a room and were told to do nothing other than stay awake. Crucially, in one of the experimental conditions, the subjects were given a choice of administering themselves a painful shock. And what they found was... shocking (sorry). The majority of people found sitting quietly, listening to only their own thoughts, very uncomfortable - remember it was only 6-15 minutes. And the majority of subjects opted to hurt themselves rather than remain seated quietly doing nothing - particularly the male subjects (67%). Even if they had previously stated that they would pay to avoid a shock, they still self-administered a painful shock to 'fill' the time. Again, 6-15 minutes. They preferred to hurt themselves than sit with their thoughts for a few minutes. Imagine that.  Photo credit Sally O'Reilly This effect was replicated by 11 studies, and even when taken out of the psych lab - where I can understand one wanting to shock themselves - and into their own homes, the effect was the same. We just cannot bear listening to our own heads. What does this mean in real life?Some researchers will interpret this as a side effect of mobile phone usage. But more say that this is the reason mobile phone usage is so addictive. We are distracting ourselves, giving ourselves a hit of dopamine as the "likes" roll in, which is preferable to thinking in that negative way we ALL do sometimes. Often, in fact - and if the habit is really engrained, it's most of the time. And of course this experiment is utterly revolutionary in that it give us a framework to answer that question - why do we self harm? Because for some of us, it's better than doing nothing. Then there's the question - why do we self-harm MORE? I feel there are several societal factors at play here, but one seems almost certainly to do with our reduced tolerance for painful thoughts. And our phone addictions. If you think of a typical social media feed, it's full of shiny happy thoughts and memories and photos. We all look our best, have the best days, the BEST friends, and super sunny insta-holidays. Everything is so wonderful!! So where does the misery live? Is there room for it? Not any more. So more and more, we are pushing misery out of normal. We are placing value on shiny happy, and calling the rest a mental health issue. Which it is - but not in an abnormal sense. Misery is normal, miserable thoughts are normal. Violent thoughts are normal, deviant, hateful shameful thoughts - all normal.  “Crazy”, violent, normal thoughts But we hate how we feel when we engage with or notice them. And they don't match our online persona at all. We've created a cognitive dissonance all of our own. Unique to our time.  Alone with thoughts So we distract ourselves, and if we are unlucky enough to have not learned how to self regulate, that distraction might take the form of self harm - in any of its many forms - a virtual shock if you will. What Can We Do?Before you roll your eyes and have vision of sitting cross-legged with incense let me tell you that mindfulness is easy. And with practice it changes how we think, how we feel when we think. There are many apps some free, (that one isn't free, but it's good) and online videos that will teach you how to do it. The beauty of mindfulness is that we learn to notice our 'bad' thoughts without judging them, without fear and self-loathing. This is key. Once we tolerate ourselves, and the mad stuff our brains create, we feel better. And sitting with ourselves, even if in pain, real pain, feels less like the end of the world. And maybe, we might learn to put the phone down. Or even go for a run in silence!  References: Non - academic report on the studies. Actual research: (You'll have to register but it's free) Links to some academic articles on Mindfulness research Suicide rate stats: Suicide figures Ireland Photo credit - Me (seagull) and two free stocks This article also appears on: http://sallyoreilly.com/why-do-we-harm-ourselves-selfharm-selfcare/ Sally O'Reilly  Sally wants to help create a world of compassion for ourselves and others. A world where mistakes are allowed, gender roles don’t exist, sex ed in schools is a real thing and everyone dances – lovely! As a psychologist and psychotherapist in Ireland, she’s worked for nearly twenty years in private practice, with adults and trainee adults of all ages. She blogs on her own website, is a feature writer for super duper parenting website Voiceboks.com, does print and radio media work and has been known to Tweet!
When she’s not working, you will find her engrossed in Science Fiction or some dark and Danish TV show, listening to music, watching the sea (while really, really wishing it were warmer), or figuring out how to work Lightroom on her Mac. All while munching on Bombay mix. #multitasker! She’s happiest when dancing and erm…. her cat has his own Facebook page. We won’t link to that, it’s too embarrassing..  Article by Shaun O'Connor Edit and post design by Christy Zigweid Photo by freephotocc via Pixabay using @WordSwagApp The availability of medical information across the Internet has absolutely changed how we think about the process of diagnosis. In the past, coming to a conclusion about a group of symptoms was strictly the purview of medical professionals. These days, however, it’s safe to say that most people will at least Google their symptoms before making the decision to see a doctor. I don’t think that this is necessarily a bad thing. Certainly, people can overdo it, jump to panicked conclusions etc. But the fact is that with calm thinking and smart research, a great deal of empowerment is handed back to patients. In countries where medical care is costly, that can mean huge savings for people with minor conditions that a doctor would recognize straight away. Online resources can also provide tremendous support to people with conditions like depression: group communities can provide daily support and exercises for people who might otherwise have simply been prescribed medication by an overworked doctor. However, there’s a specific a group of conditions for which online research and self-analysis can be unhelpful, and even prolong the condition indefinitely: anxiety-spectrum disorders. Panic attacks, GAD, agoraphobia, PTSD, social anxiety, etc -- these are fundamentally different from other conditions in that while they can be triggered by any number of factors, they are driven primarily by ongoing self-analysis of the condition. There’s an often-heard truism in the anxiety community: “If you could just forget that you ever had the condition, it would stop completely.” After all, there’s no organic brain condition that’s causing the disorder to persist, it’s 100% an unwanted thought process. Certainly physical symptoms can occur simultaneously (muscle tension / pain, shortness of breath, etc), but these are a result of the anxious thought process, not the other way around. Depersonalization is one of the most frightening symptoms of anxiety, a feeling of being cut off from your surroundings, as if in a dream or looking at the world through a pane of glass. Friends and loved ones can seem like strangers and you may even feel as if you don’t recognize yourself in the mirror. The sensation itself is commonly experienced (temporarily) when going through a traumatic experience but for many people it can persist and become Depersonalization Disorder (DPD). DPD is one of the more self-reflexive iterations of anxiety, since unlike say, panic attacks or social anxiety, it can persist 24/7 without any apparent trigger. This, coupled with a general lack of medical awareness on the subject, invariably means that sufferers end up intensively searching online for diagnoses, advice etc. And here’s where the availability of medical advice online becomes a problem, often leading sufferers to forums and discussion boards populated with people who are, in the main, as confused and frightened as they are. While a condition like depression can be greatly helped by speaking to a supportive community on a regular basis, the opposite is typically the case for anxiety-based conditions like depersonalization. Disorders like DPD thrive on self-analysis, be it positive or negative, and every message, post and comment reasserts their validity. I suffered with chronic DPD for two years and know all too well the frustration it creates. The urge to research the condition online is almost overwhelming: there’s always the hope that there’s some unseen post out there that will explain the condition, some new pill or combination of old medications that will be the magic bullet. The sad irony is that that very hope for a sudden recovery is both disregarding the nature of the disorder and causing it to persist. Sure, it can briefly feel productive (and even healthy) to do research, to ask more questions about the condition. But the problem is that there’s always more questions. There’s always more research to do. It’s only when you accept that the questions themselves are fueling the condition that recovery becomes possible. The availability of online medical resources and forums has in many ways democratized how we think about the distribution of medical information and diagnoses. But it’s vital to remember that there is a growing subset of anxiety conditions (incredibly, an estimated 2% of people in the US experience dissociative disorders) - Depersonalization being a prime example - that can persist specifically because of the sufferer’s endless need to seek out more information. For sufferers of these types of conditions, online research is very much a mixed blessing. About the Author
 Article by Irving Schattner Post design and edit by Christy Zigweid Photo by Pexels via Pixabay made using @WordSwagApp When a person in a relationship recovers from addictions (alcohol or drugs, food, gambling, shopping), anxiety and/or depression, it could be said that the person is following a new path. This path may feel scary at times, but when such a person has committed to the change process, their partner or significant other may not fully be aware of how their loved one has changed and how it may impact their relationship. In some instances, one's partner or significant other may welcome these changes as a healthy outcome of couples therapy. They may feel liberated from their partner’s constant need for support, validation and neediness, and can now focus on establishing a more balanced, healthy, and mutually beneficial relationship. In other instances, one’s partner or significant other may find himself or herself resentful and pushing back against the tide of what they see as a person they no longer know or understand. This occurs most particularly when their role as protector, defender, or enabler becomes undermined by this change in their partner. As one partner changes through the therapeutic process, the balance of power can shift one of two ways: Equality, equilibrium, mutual recognition, understanding, and respect come to define this modified relationship. And one partner accommodates to this new arrangement while the other partner finds it difficult or is unwilling to make a change that recognizes the needs of the other. Maintaining a Healthy Relationship Generally speaking, it is healthy and necessary for people to adapt to changing circumstances and life events. So, too, it is expected that relationships will change over time. But sometimes partner’s needs change and are not complimentary. Partners may find themselves on different paths or life journeys. So, what can you do when you find that your needs, wants, desires, dreams, or life direction have changed from that of your partner’s? The first thing you might want to consider is acknowledging these changes. Failure to be open and honest with your partner may only lead to a breakdown of the relationship. Perhaps you truly want out of the relationship and are fearful of confronting this fact. If this is the case, your complacency and lack of openness will passively move you towards what you truly want – dissolution of your relationship. On the other hand, if you want your partner to share the new you and your new journey, it is paramount that you share your thoughts and feelings with your partner. To do otherwise, is sabotage of your relationship. It is natural to want to grow and change, and if you want your relationship to survive, even thrive, it is mandatory that you engage your partner in healthy dialogue that lets them know what’s going on inside of you, the personal changes you are making, and how that may impact or shift the dynamics or nature of your relationship. In turn, you should allow your spouse the space, time, and freedom to fully express their thoughts, feelings and needs relevant to the changes taking place. It is worth noting that just because you may not be one-hundred-percent on the same page, does not mean your relationship is doomed. If you feel like you are at an impasse, or simply don’t know where to begin this process of reconciliation, couples therapy can be of great help in defining your respective wants, needs and desires, and examining whether they can be accommodated in your relationship or if it’s time to move on. About the Author - Irving Schattner, LCSWAbout the Author - Irving Schattner, LCSWAbout the Author - Irving Schattner, LCSW
 Guest post by Marcus Clarke Edit and post design by Christy Zigweid Photo by Kanenori via Pixabay made using @WordSwagApp We’ve all had moments of worry or anxiety where our hearts palpitate, we feel sick to our stomachs and either obsess or can’t concentrate on the problem at hand. For most of us, those physiological and emotional symptoms resolve with the problem and we continue on with our lives. People who live every day with chronic anxiety or conditions like generalized anxiety disorder, deal with physiological and emotional symptoms nearly every moment of every day. People with anxiety are clever about masking their symptoms. However, if you could ask them to be honest, you might well hear them whisper one of the following seven secrets of people who live with anxiety. Telling me “not to worry” doesn’t help…really, it doesn’tIt’s nice to be able to offer a friend in need a supportive platitude to help them through a tough time. “It’ll be all right.” “Don’t worry about it.” While you may mean well, these words are nothing but hollow and empty to an someone with anxiety. If it were as simply as saying “don’t worry,” People with anxiety everywhere would be cured, which brings me to the second secret. I know I shouldn’t worry about some things…but I still doThe reason why your platitudes won’t work for someone with anxiety is because more often than not, they are self-aware enough to know that the issue they are currently worrying about is either something they can’t change, or not really worth worrying about. But knowing this doesn’t help them to stop worrying any more than your “don’t worry,” and a lot of the time, it’s not simply one issue they are worried about. I feel like an internet browser…with too many open tabsA person with anxiety can have a mind jam-packed with worries and anxieties. Some of these worries may have merit such as an overly stressful job or upcoming public speaking event. But a lot of these worries will be about mights; something that might happen, a conflict that might occur. These catastrophizing thoughts (irrationally imagining the very worst that might happen), revolves around the person having a back-up plan to prepare for the worst. Because at the end of the day, the worst is not an option to them.  Failure is more than just a fear to me…it’s a death sentenceWhile most of us dislike failing, for someone with anxiety, the idea of failure is abhorrent. A particular type of anxiety, atychipobia, addresses “fear of failure,” and describes how the person will go to extreme lengths to avoid being in a situation where he might fail. These lengths can include perfectionism, procrastination, and avoidance. The lengths to which a person with anxiety may go to avoid failure can leave them incapacitated. My anxiety can cripple me…emotionally and physicallyWith a head full of “open browser windows" and a modus operandi shifting between procrastination and perfectionism, people with anxiety can quickly become burnt-out and physically broken. Anxiety-sufferers often feel a great deal of frustration and irritation and often these symptoms manifest outwardly. People with anxiety may also be plagued with tense and aching muscles, high blood pressure, headaches, and exhaustion. I don’t fall asleep…I get so exhausted I pass out at nightWe have already established that people with anxiety cannot simply stop worrying or shut off their anxieties; there is no better (or worse) place to dwell and magnify these worries than in bed before falling asleep. Many people with anxiety have extreme difficulty with falling asleep because their minds simply won’t stop playing over their worries. Inevitably, worry and anxiety about falling asleep rears and new worries start to consume them. This can lead to sleepless nights, exhaustion during the day, irritability and poor concentration, and potentially absenteeism. I tell people I’ve got a stomach flu…I’m really just having a bad anxiety day.With the stigma attached to mental health illnesses still widespread in society, a lot of people with anxiety feel the need to hide the real reason behind a sick day. It seems so much more socially acceptable to say, “I have gastro,” instead of “I couldn’t sleep all night because of my anxiety and now I feel terrible.” Lying about the real reason behind the sick day, and even the dreaded phone call to the boss, can leave the person even more anxious than before. So whilst we all have those things we worry about, or dwell on certain upcoming events, at the end of the day, for most people, when the stressor is resolved, so too is the anxiety. People with anxiety do not have this luxury. For them the anxiety goes on and on and inevitably leads them to have anxiety about having anxiety. About the AuthorMarcus Clarke has a degree in psychology, a masters degree in health psychology and has worked within the NHS as well as private organisations. Marcus started psysci a psychology and science blog in order to disseminate research into bitesize, meaningful and helpful resources that are interesting and insightful and often help people on the right track to improving their lives.  Article by Irving Schattner Post design and edit by Christy Zigweid Photo by ADD via Pixabay made using @WordSwagApp Worry zaps precious energy and motivates us to act against our best interests. When worry takes hold, our mental filter becomes clouded. Our mental filter allows our brains, when properly activated, to focus on relevant life-sustaining tasks and growth-seeking opportunities. When clouded, our mental filter negates what’s truly relevant and important for healthy growth and development. Our brains function like computers - storing, processing and sorting through data at lightning speed, often on automatic pilot or on a subconscious level. However, when we are riddled with anxiety and worry, our capacity to think and act rationally is impaired. It’s as if our brains, our human computers, are offline. When this occurs, our logical, reasonable, analytical and problem-solving higher self (mediated through our fore-brain) is hijacked by our mid-brain. Our mid-brain contains our amygdala which regulates our emotions and survival instincts. Functioning at optimum level, the amygdala governs healthy emotional regulation and our fight-or-flight response. The amygdala can help us to assess real dangers and take appropriate action. On the other hand, if you suffer from excessive anxiety and worry, your amygdala is most likely functioning in an overactive state, assessing danger when there is none or overestimating the probability of danger. Worry, Anxiety and StigmaExcessive worry or anxiety can lead one to feel great shame and fear of stigma. The whole world seems normal while you may describe yourself as “crazy” or “abnormal.” Uncomfortable with having physical discomfort noticed by others around you, may lead you to cover-up or avoid your anxiety and worry for fear of being stigmatized, criticized or judged as somehow different or strange. This fear of evaluation by others keeps you on guard, suspicious and even judgmental of others. You may go so far as to avoid situations and people that trigger worry or panic, thus limiting your ability to participate in meaningful opportunities to challenge the very negative thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that are reinforced through continual avoidance. Avoiding discomforting physical symptoms associated with anxiety and worry further reinforces avoidance. As your avoidance takes on a life of its own and generalizes to new, even unexpected, situations, so too your belief in your ability to gain mastery over your life diminishes markedly. You start to feel boxed in, hopeless, and desperate for anything to take the pain away. Some people turn their worry and anxiety into isolation, depression and even anger. Others turn to various forms of addictions – sexual, chemical, gambling, codependency – as well as other self-sabotaging behaviors to self-soothe. Feeling shameful and stigmatized by one’s worry, anxiety and depression can lead to the belief that one is “doomed to suffer through their discomfort and that change is not possible.” This negative view of one’s status makes it difficult, if not seemingly impossible, to take steps that can result in a shift in thoughts, belief and, ultimately, behaviors that challenge the status quo and foster change.  In order to change you must acquire increased awareness and clarity into the nature of your discomfort and be willing to take action. Awareness and insight into the nature of your discomfort and what fuels it the first part on the road to overcoming your distress. The second part is acquiring the skills to take action. These two components often require the expertise of a trained psychotherapist to guide you through the process of change. Willpower or letting time pass most likely will only prolong your misery and keep you from moving forward. A Few Tips for Reducing Worry
These are just a handful of things you can do to reduce anxiety, fear and worry. Try them and see what happens. If they happen to work, continue to do more of the same. As you progress, you can continue to introduce other skills that will, at the very least, help you gain some respite from your troubles and, hopefully, open the door to a new way of looking at and approaching life’s challenges. About the Author - Irving Schattner, LCSW
 Article by Irving Schattner Post design by Christy Zigweid Photo by Tabeajaichhalt via Pixabay made using @WordSwagApp Hello everyone, I’d like to introduce to you Dariusz, a former client of mine, who wanted to share this inspiring and heartfelt letter with my readers... I’ve struggled with anxiety for many years, which fueled my addiction to pain pills. They made my anxiety diminish, and helped me feel more comfortable. Little did I know that this was a fast road to a miserable existence. Social interactions made me uncomfortable, which fueled chronic depression when I was off the drugs. To put it plainly, I was a mess from a mental health standpoint. I was broken and ready to give up, but as a last-ditch effort I reached out for help and found Irving Schattner, LCSW, the director and founder of the Counseling Center for Growth and Recovery, in Delray Beach, Florida. With his multi-faceted treatment approach and a caring, genuine perspective, I was nursed back to mental wellness on my road to recovery. Addiction, Anxiety, DepressionI remember the first time I walked into Mr. Schattner’s office, I was extremely anxious and uneasy. I had successfully completed a detox program so my body was off the drugs, but my mind was craving them to feel better mentally. I did not know how to live life on it’s own terms, without resorting to substance abuse. While I removed the drugs from my system, I was left an empty shell of a person, scared to interact with others and plagued by a history of addiction, anxiety, and depression. The treatment philosophy pioneered by the Counseling Center for Growth and Recovery, under the direction of Mr. Schattner himself, focuses on getting to the root causes of your emotional or psychological distress. I learned that feeling anxious and depressed at the same time is a common condition, and can be healed through exposure and response prevention therapy. Together, we examined my negative thoughts and beliefs through cognitive therapy and it’s connection to my self-sabotaging behaviors with cognitive-behavioral therapy. I learned how to challenge these negative thoughts and beliefs, which lead me toward achieving the things I wanted, which was freedom from the anxiety and depression that crippled my life and fueled my addiction. I learned to face my fears, instead of running away from them and numbing myself with drugs. We practiced a variety of life skills and Mr. Schattner helped me feel comfortable in my own skin again. Slowly but surely, my confidence and self-esteem increased after each session, and I was able to venture out into public and social gatherings without the fear of rejection.  Online Counseling in Florida from the Comfort of HomeAfter attending face-to-face individual counseling sessions for some time, we transitioned to online counseling in Florida via an internet connection. I used my iPad for video therapy sessions without the need to drive to the practice itself. This allowed for a continued personalized experience but from the privacy and safety of home. It was much more convenient and I felt ready for this natural progression in my level of care. I still attend Mr. Schattner’s online counseling sessions today and the therapy I receive continues to help me become a stronger person. I’ve found purpose and meaning in my life instead of dwelling on the unknown and wasting my life away in fear. If you’re struggling with addiction, anxiety, or depression, don’t fear therapy or counseling. The first step is to find the courage to reach out for help and I know it’s hard because I hated changes in my life or even asking people for anything. But for me it was life or death, as continuing my miserable existence would have certainly not ended well. If I can find the courage to ask for help, then you can too. About the Author - Irving Schattner, LCSW
Letter printed with permission from both Mr. Schattner and Dariusz
 Article by Irving Schattner Edit and post design by Christy Zigweid Photo by PixArc via Pixabay made using @WordSwagApp Too often, people take mistakes as a sign of personal failure. This core belief often comes from messages acquired from family of origin during one's formative years, as well as traumatic or distressing experiences. One then carries these messages through later life, impacting our thoughts, beliefs and behaviors. Coming to define our self-concept and worldview, messages acquired in earlier years may no longer be relevant or adaptive towards healthy functioning in the roles we carry as adults. So, in our adulthood, continuing to hold on to outdated messages leaves us developmentally stunted and, therefore, incapable of handling the stressors and challenges of daily living. Healing comes through the awareness that messages acquired in earlier years (our “inner child”) don't serve us in later life, and acquiring the skills to actively challenge negative thought patterns and self-sabotaging behaviors. For many of you this is a most daunting task for which you feel ill-equipped, leading you to give up before trying. Others will make minimal progress in applying knowledge acquired through the internet, self-help materials, or even through well-meaning but untrained mental health professionals, only to slip back into old patterns which reinforce anxiety, worry, frustration, depression, and low self-esteem.  Photo by TambiraPhotography via Pixabay There is Help...Like many of you, I used to suffer with severe anxiety. My anxiety originated with the messages I acquired early in life, carrying me into adulthood. Like many of you, these negative messages zapped my energy, deprived me of the courage to take advantage of opportunities that came my way, and kept me in a continual cycle of worry and despair from which I could not see my way out. That was until I finally mustered the courage to seek professional help. In doing so, I literally changed my life for the better. I had a mentor who lead by example, one who understood what it was like to live with anxiety, yet mustered the courage and resolve to change. One who made me aware of how my negative messages came to be. One who showed me how to actively challenge (dispute) these messages and replace them with more realistic, truthful and supportive statements. One who made me aware how negative thought patterns led to self-sabotaging behaviors (including avoidance). To my mentor, I am eternally grateful, for I now live with joy, purpose and direction. Through my own journey, I learned not to fear anxiety but actively face it, talk back to it, challenge it, and channel it. My mission, as a psychotherapist who specializes in treating anxiety and depression, is to help other anxiety and depression sufferers achieve the freedom which I’ve come to know. About the Author - Irving Schattner, LCSW
 Article by Irving Schattner Edit and post design by Christy Zigweid Photo by Silentpilot via Pixabay made using @WordSwagApp As we head into a new year, I am reminded of how many people are out there needlessly suffering with anxiety and depression. I also ask myself why so many people are willing to “settle” when their lives could be so much better; filled with joy, purpose and direction. As I ponder this question, I am reminded of my own experience with anxiety and the years it “stole” from me; how it zapped my energy, denying me simple pleasures of life and forcing me to pass on opportunities that could have enriched my life. I remember an old television commercial from the United Negro College Fund stating how “a mind is a terrible thing to waste,” I reflect back on my own negative state of mind and how it colored a distorted lens through which I viewed myself and the world around me. My negative state of being easily led to feelings of frustration, anger, suspicion and, at times, hopelessness and despair. Yes, there were good times, but even the good times were short-lived, as anxiety and its aftermath would once again take hold and bring me back to my reality. And so, because I struggled with anxiety and feelings of sadness, hopelessness and despair, I contemplated the value of my worth which translated into a poor sense of self. Feeling somewhat lost and disconnected led me to feel sorry for myself and so rather than take action to do something to manage and overcome my negative emotional state, I continued to daydream about what my life could be like. I was living without a sense of real joy, purpose, or connection with myself and the world around me. It was hard for me to imagine anything other than how lousy I felt. Although I made my mark on some occasions and went through the motions on other occasions, I continued to feel unfulfilled and ridden with anticipatory and situational anxiety.  Unrealistically high expectations, a need to be perfect, possessing a strong need for approval, and fearing negative evaluation were the by-products of my anticipatory and social / situational anxiety. Seeing no way out, there were times when I pondered my miserable existence by entertaining thoughts of departing from this Earth. Fortunately, for me, these were only thoughts as I had no plans of acting on them. Realizing that doing myself in was a one-way trip with no return, I continued to hold out some hope that one day I would overcome my anxiety and live with joy, purpose and connection. Fortunately for me, that day came. I saw an ad in the local newspaper (this was many years ago before there were computers or the internet) advertising a group for persons suffering with anxiety and depression. Of course, as fear was typically my guide, I came up with a number of reasons why I couldn’t attend:
Despite all these excuses, I finally decided that despite my suspicion and ambivalence about how the group could be of help, I would give it a shot and go.  Photo by vait_mcright via Pixabay So, I showed up to group about a half-hour earlier in order to ease myself into this potentially terrifying situation. The last thing I wanted to do was walk in and have all eyes upon me. As each new member showed up, I said “hello” and introduced myself in an attempt to desensitize myself from the anxiety of what was yet to come. When all the members filed in, and the group room door was closed, I felt a wave of intense panic overcome me. My immediate thoughts were “What the hell am I doing here?" followed by “What if they notice how nervous I am?” and “What if I feel the need to walk out and leave?” It was a living hell on Earth. Despite my intense fear and anxiety, I did stay (probably because I was too embarrassed to draw attention to leaving) and somehow muddled through. Sitting in a group filled with fellow anxiety suffers, my thoughts were focused on how “together” many of the members appeared and how out of place I felt. I was going through the motions while frozen with fear. I listened to people share and when it was my turn, I shared very little and was quite general and superficial. In what seemed like an out-of-body experience, I listened to what others had to share while very much preoccupied with my own internal state of mind and physiological state. When the group adjourned for the evening, I felt relief, said goodbye, got into my car, and went home. On the way home, my anxiety eventually diminished while my evaluative self remained. Despite my success at attending the anxiety group, my anticipatory anxiety persisted as I continued to ponder reasons for not returning to next week’s group. The closer I got to the day of the next group, the stronger these negative feelings were. Despite my excuses and negative frame of mind, I went back to group the following week, followed by the next week and the week following that, and so on. With each meeting, I shared more and came to realize that no one was judging me; I was the only one doing the judging. And...over time, my comfort level with group increased. I came to realize that despite our different life experiences, we all shared the burden of living with anxiety and were all committed to finding freedom through mutual aid and support.  Photo by rebeccaread via Pixabay Attending the anxiety group was a turning point in my life. It led me to pursue individual therapy, where I unraveled the mystery behind what was fueling my anxiety and learned healthy strategies for finding joy, purpose and direction. My most important lesson in therapy was learning that despite my worst fears and scenarios, my anxiety would not kill me. I came to realize that the more I tried to hold onto or “control my anxiety,” the more my anxiety controlled me. (This is known as a “paradox,” which involves doing the opposite of what your brain is telling you to do). And so, despite my initial resistance, with support, encouragement, and even prodding by my therapist, I began to allow myself to feel that which I feared most – my anxiety. At first it was scary as hell. My therapist was asking me to do the very thing I was avoiding, facing my anxiety and allowing it to pass through me while continuing to do whatever I was doing. But with repeated practice, my anxiety came to diminish in intensity, as I allowed myself to “face it, feel it, and let it pass through.” Through this process of walking through my anxiety, I came to the realization that fighting my anxiety was futile, and learning to accept (rather than fear) what I was feeling was my answer to gaining freedom from anxiety. In telling my personal story, my wish is for you to reach out and seek help. If I can do it, so can you. It takes some courage and persistence, but the payoff is tremendous. Since my recovery from anxiety, my life has only gotten better. Yes, like most people, I still feel anxiety from time to time, but it no longer throws me into a panic. I now see my anxiety as a way of letting me know that something is troubling me and use the skills learned in therapy to channel this anxiety for positive change. And… as a licensed clinical social worker / psychotherapist, I’ve taken what I’ve learned (both personally and professionally) into helping others achieve freedom from anxiety and depression. Take the challenge… step out of your comfort zone, attend a support group and seek professional help for your anxiety and depression. Warm regards, Irving Schattner, LCSW About the Author - Irving Schattner, LCSW
 Guest post by Irving Schattner Edit and post design by Christy Zigweid Photo by PublicDomainPIctures via Pixabay created using @WordSwagApp For many people suffering from anxiety or depression, the Holiday season and New Year can be a difficult time. Unrealistic expectations or commitments, family connection or disconnection, social isolation, financial problems, grief and loss, geographic change, and less sunlight can lead to stress, anxiety, sadness, and depression. Headaches and body aches, over-eating, excessive spending, and insomnia are a few ways in which the inability to cope with the holiday blues can manifest themselves. During such times, it is important to develop a plan of action to head off or derail the effects of the holiday blues. If untreated, they can last way beyond the holiday season and into the New Year. For some people, increased social support can be of great benefit. This may include connecting with old friends or family members. Facebook and other social media, as well as the old-fashioned phone call are tried and true methods. The meetup.com site is a great way to connect with people who share your interests. Counseling and support groups are other ways of self-exploration and learning to connect with the world outside of yourself. For people suffering with season affective disorder (SAD), which is associated with shorter days of sunlight, increased exposure to the outdoors as well as phototherapy 30 minutes daily (25 times as bright as normal lighting), can help increase feelings of well-being.  Photo by PublicDomainPictures via Pixabay While for some the holiday season means good, happy times with friends and family, for many people it represents a time of sadness, debilitating self-reflection, loneliness, and anxiety, resulting in fatigue, unrealistic expectations, financial pressures, and commercial expectation to go out and spend money. Too often they are plagued with unfulfilled goals and focus on what’s not right in their lives. The demand to conform to external expectations of what it means to be in the holiday spirit may contradict one’s actual life experience. This leads to internal conflict, somatic ailments, and psychological and emotional distress. Risk factors for stress, anxiety, and depression include, but are not limited to: lack of adequate social support, recent or past trauma, life changes, substance abuse, balancing the demands and expectations of family vs. setting appropriate limits or boundaries, house guests whose presence creates increased tension, and insomnia or isolation.  Photo by CC0 Public Domain via Pixabay Tips for managing holiday stress
About the Author - Irving Schattner, LCSW
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