ConquerWorry.org
  • BLOG
    • Guest Posts
  • Podcast
    • Podcast Support
  • Get Help
  • Speaking

SITE RELAUNCH COMING SOON!

Our mission is to inspire, educate and advocate for those who struggle with Stress or their Mental Health.

listen to the podcast

Focus on the Road Ahead (Guest Post)

4/15/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
Article by Paul Banuski
Post Design by Christy Zigweid
Edited by Maureene Danielle
Photo made using @WordSwagApp 

I recently marked two years since my suicide attempt.

Two years of avoiding alcohol, of taking medication, going to therapy and trying to remind myself that I’m good enough to keep staying around.

Some days are certainly easier than others and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t troubled or tempted or haven’t been tested over the last two years- hell, in the last two weeks. But so far I have fought off every single attempt to knock me off of the path of recovery and self-improvement.

To be honest with you, the hard days are still really hard and I think it’s possible that I’m only one bad day away from failing. The road ahead of me stretches out, winding through deep valleys and shadows, with who knows what waiting for me, lurking around each bend. There are days when I worry how much progress I have made and I fear that it’s laughable how I struggle for inches rather than miles. And all those miles still to go…
Well, it is a trick of perception. When you live with depression, you can pick up on these tricks. After all, that’s what depression does- trick your brain into pain and anger and sadness.
​
In my most recent therapy session, we spent some time going back over my progress so far. How when I came to therapy two years ago, I would struggle with things that I do today without a second thought. 
​I have managed to reign in some of my worse impulses (the quick and cheap relief of getting drunk) and to tackle problems head on rather than turn my head away, hoping they will disappear. I can throw the brakes on my train of thought when it begins to speed up and threaten to careen off of the tracks. 
Mindfulness practice has taught me to recognize negative and judgmental thoughts, and to process them in a healthy way. When I take a longer view I can see just how far I have come and how different I am from the man I was two years ago.

I now worry less about the years to come and try to live the moment, and to take each day as it comes. And if I pause once in a while by pulling back and looking down the road ahead with fresh eyes, I can still see the valleys and I can still see the dark corners, but they are broken up by gentle rises and bright straight stretches. And then I refocus on the present day.

About the Author
Picture
Aspiring gentleman, part-time rogue. Jack of all trades, master of diddly-squat. Contemplating world issues and trivial matters. Opinions are my own. I’m an atheist living with depression, anxiety and alcoholism. I also have a good, albeit dark, sense of humor about it all. At least, most of the time.
​
I’m gainfully employed doing mostly marketing, splitting my time between a payroll/HR consulting company and a non-profit working on providing medical services to the South Sudan.

You can email me at paul@paulsletters.com, like my page on Facebook and follow me on Twitter if you’d like… @paulslttrs. I’m also on Instagram at instagram.com/paulsletters.
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    ConquerWorry™
    Instagram

    RSS Feed


    Picture

    Build Your Action Based Stress Reduction System

    Subscribe For Inspirational Stories

    * indicates required
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture

    Popular Podcasts


    Olympian Suzy Favor Hamilton - From Fame to Prostitution to Advocacy

    Hall of Fame Basketball Star Chamique Holdsclaw on Mental Resilience

    Diana Nightingale on her husband Earl Nightingale's Principles for Mental Health Success


    JoAnn Buttaro on Date Rape & PTSD Survival

    Story: Its Never Too Late

    Gabe Howard on BiPolar Advocacy

    Phil Fulmer on Teen Suicide

    Prison, Bipolar and Mania with Andy Behrman

    Columbia Univeristy's Dr. Rynn on OCD
    Picture

    Archives

    March 2018
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    December 2014
    October 2014
    August 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013

    Categories

    All
    Addiction
    Advocacy
    Alcoholism
    Anorexia
    Anxiety
    Article
    Bipolar
    Blog
    Boundaries
    Christy Zigweid
    Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
    ConquerScope
    Depersonalization
    Depression
    Guest Post
    Guilt
    #ILiveWithMentalillness
    Infographic
    Irving Schattner
    Jay Coulter
    Matthew Lowe
    Mental Illness
    Mental Resilience
    Motivation
    MotivationalIQ
    OCD
    Online Counseling
    Panic Disorder
    Personal Philosophy
    Podcast
    PTSD
    Recovery
    Relationships
    Research
    Sally O'Reilly
    Schizophrenia
    Self Harm
    Self-harm
    Stress
    Suicide
    Suicide Survivor
    Therapy
    Therapy Animals
    Tracy Shawn
    Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS)
    Two Wise Chicks
    Veterans
    Video
    Worry
    Youth

    RSS Feed

  • BLOG
    • Guest Posts
  • Podcast
    • Podcast Support
  • Get Help
  • Speaking