If you’ve spent any amount of time looking through my website, you will see I am a supporter of awareness for mental health and suicide. I also write fiction and blog posts that are hard to read because of their honesty. Why do I do this? Because I believe people shouldn’t have to suffer in silence.
I’ve battled depression and generalized anxiety disorder for many years (I was diagnosed before I was in college). I have worn the mask, hiding my illness from people (except those really close to me, which are very few), afraid if I let on just a little bit I was struggling, my friends and family would suffer. I live with darkness and suicide every day. It’s a battle I’ve learned to manage. I sit with myself often, enduring the self-loathing my illness projects onto me, waiting until it passes. Sometimes that’s a few hours; sometimes its days. Yes, I’ve been there, staring suicide right in the face. And while I know this will be hard for many to read (especially my family), it is a truth of my everyday life. In my times of utter despair, I have to remind myself what I’ll be leaving behind if I go through with it. All I have to do is picture my husband and my kids and while the power to give up overwhelms me, I hold on to that ONE thing. Because it’s my family who keep me here. It’s my closest friends who remind me how much I’ve touched their lives, or their children’s lives, just by being me. Those are the things I hold on to. Those are the things that eventually pull me out and bring me back into what’s real. Through the years my husband and I have learned to deal with the ups and downs, the good days and the bad. We’ve worked out a system that works for our family. And we trudge on, knowing the downs will come again, but being better prepared each time for when they hit. This is why I am a supporter of mental health and suicide awareness. Without the support of my husband, I don’t know that I would be here today writing about my story. My illness is very scary for those around me as well as for myself. My husband only wants to help but often doesn’t know how. My children see the effects but don’t understand why mom is “sad” or “freaked out.” It’s hard watching your family struggle and knowing you are partially the cause. Its scary sitting with your own thoughts, part of you knowing they are lying and part of you knowing they are not. It’s hard to sort through the truth and the lies. I am learning to know myself better as a writer and as a person. And while I’ve been denying this truth about sharing my story, I have hindered progress in taking the right steps to move forward. Some people believe we have a “calling” in life. While I do not believe we have a pre-determined path to our lives, I do believe in fate. I do believe we are all here for a reason. I was born nearly three months early and weighed two pounds two ounces. At the time of my birth, hospitals were just figuring out how to care for premature babies. I survived. And I survive today, despite my illness telling me I have no purpose here. I will never be “cured,” just as someone with a chronic illness will tell you. But I can share my story with others. I can own my illness as part of me but not all of me. I can continue to take care of myself and live out this “calling” I feel compelled to do. I also credit people who have helped me step out on this limb. My husband, my very close friends, some people in my writing group, and a group called “This is My Brave.” They have opened my eyes to the fact I don’t have to live in silence anymore, pretending to be something I am not. As I write this I am very aware of the ripple effects it may have. But it’s time to share my story. It’s time to step out of hiding and say “You can’t hold me down anymore. I will fight you each and every time, even if every time you make it harder and harder to crawl out.” I am not my illness. My illness is only a part of me. I am a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, and a human being. Do I have flaws? Absolutely, but they don’t define me and they are not “all” of me. Christy Zigweid #depression #anxiety #StorytellingSavesLives #suicide
Christy Zigweid is a writer, household CEO, wife of a musician, and mother to two great kids. She holds a bachelor’s degree in elementary education and special education and has been a stay-at-home mom since 2007. "A New Beginning," her first published short story is featured in Mosaic: a Compilation of Creative Writing, which was published March 2015. She also has a short story featured on Short Fiction Break titled "1,862 Days." If you don’t see her nose stuck in a book, you will likely find her behind a computer screen or spending time with her family.
Connect With Christy Twitter: @ChristyZigweid Facebook: @AuthorChristyZigweid Website: www.christyzigweid.com
1 Comment
I initially wrote this piece several months ago after learning of the suicide of yet another young college student, this one the friend of a young person I know well.
Words are lacking to convey my sadness about this loss. The thought of yet another child in such pain and turmoil that ending it all was their solution is simply more than my mind can absorb. And more than we can accept. SMOKE AND MIRRORS Voices are increasing about removing the stigma associated with mental illness, particularly for children and young adults. Depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder…no longer are these foreign terms but instead are becoming part of our lexicon. We read and hear about mental health issues with far more frequency, but it’s not enough. There’s more – far more – that needs to be done. Our children are in crisis. Right in our back yard. Or our living room. They’re dealing with stressors that many parents do not see, understand, or even want to acknowledge. They’re facing expectations to achieve that redefines “raising the bar,” making it beyond their ability to cope and function. And many are walking around every day, going to class and participating in life, all while presenting the appearance of being functional and handling it all when the reality is anything but. Not the case for all, but for many and the numbers are growing. P-R-E-S-S-U-R-E There’s a “magical threshold” that colleges flip like a light switch, assuming that a child who spent 18 years under the care of their parents suddenly becomes an adult, despite the fact that their brain isn’t fully developed until 25. They’re expected to “be adults” and take full responsibility for their lives yet many are painfully ill-equipped to meet the expectations. There’s everything our middle and high school students face, far beyond what we ever experienced as students. Testing, grades, extracurricular activities, volunteering, part-time jobs, accelerated courses, dual enrollment, pre-college assessments, college preparation. Not to mention social media, video games, bullying, cyberbullying, peer pressure, drug and alcohol issues, and home demands. And the earlier emergence and diagnosis of mental health issues. Our children, whether 13 or 21, are balancing on a tightrope that they’re finding increasingly difficult to walk. Many are slipping and others are falling through cracks that are swallowing them whole. CIRCLE THE WAGONS I’m a parent too and my own child, now a young adult, experienced some of these difficulties throughout school, so I know the struggles and the systems that work against parents trying to establish a “safety net” while supporting their child’s need for independence. Parents are labeled “helicopter” parents when they expect supports to be in place and communication to occur with those responsible for their child’s well-being. And yes, this includes in college. Some parents are hands-on – I’m one of them. Others stay in denial because of fear. Some hope it’s a phase that will pass. Many struggle to help their child who may be resistant to their efforts. The reality is that the line between having another day to fight and the last day can be hair thin. My heart goes out to this young adult child whose life had barely started. A child who was close to college graduation and all the experiences that accompany the transition into adulthood. No child should be so alone, unable to cope, and without the supports they need. We as parents need to mobilize in new ways. We need to surround our children – all our children – as was done in communities years ago. If we’re told that if we “see something, say something” about unattended bags on the street, we need to start speaking up when we see, hear about, or think that a child is in trouble. Matters not whether he’s your child’s friend in middle school or she’s your daughter’s roommate in college. We need to be less concerned about getting involved and more concerned about not. Forget about stages, phases, or momentary mood swings. We can’t afford to assume. We need to engage. Reactive is often too late. There’s not a moment to delay. Not one more young life can we lose. Not one more. Debra Isaacs Schafer
Debra Isaacs Schafer is Founder and CEO of Education Navigation, LLC which provides special education services to employees as a company benefit, and a Special Education Advisor and Advocate in private practice. With more than 15 years of experience working with CEOs, senior executives, entrepreneurs, and working parents nationwide and years in the corporate arena, her work focuses on helping parents who have children with autism, ADHD, learning disabilities, and mental health issues navigate through school from preschool through college.
Connect Website: www.Education-Navigation.com Website: www.debraischafer.com Email: Debra@Education-Navigation.com Twitter: @EDNavigation Facebook: @EducationNavigation
My first job out of college was working for the New York state chapter of the Independent Insurance Agents and Brokers of America, a trade association for insurance agents and brokers. One of the primary functions of the group was to advocate for the membership in Albany and Washington, to help pass favorable laws, to influence industry regulations and fight legislation and regulation that would harm the industry. There was also another association that did the same thing- the Professional Insurance Agents. While the IIABA and PIA were usually on the same page when it came to broad goals and member advocacy, they sometimes had differing strategies and priorities, they competed for membership, for funding, and for attention, both from their membership and from legislators, regulators and other industry groups. There were some state chapters that had merged their associations, and they didn’t seem to have many of the issues we would sometimes run into in New York. One organization meant one message, one strategy and one set of priorities.
When I look at the community of organizations involved in mental health advocacy, I see an even more fractured landscape, with multiple groups that have overlapping missions and I wonder, just how effective can they be? Please don’t misunderstand this worry as an attack aimed at those involved in these groups- either the founders, the staff or the volunteers. I have a tremendous amount of respect and appreciation for their efforts to advocate on behalf of individuals and families that struggle with mental health issues. But take the example of Bring Change 2 Mind, the campaign co-founded by actress Glenn Close to help reduce stigma and increase understanding of mental illness. They’ve partnered with football player Brandon Marshall’s Project357 for the #StrongerThanStigma campaign. Both organizations are about mental health awareness, and raise money that goes towards education, treatment and research. It’s an awesome and admirable goal. In fact, it’s a goal shared by the No Stigmas movement. And Conquer Worry. And Stamp Out Stigma. And Come Out of the Dark. And Stand Up for Mental Health. And Active Minds. In Britain you can find the Rethink campaign, in Canada it’s Let’s Talk. These are the organizations primarily centered around raising awareness and reducing mental health stigma. I’m sure there are some I’m not mentioning here. There are others that deal with advocating for mental health policy issues before Congress and state legislatures, like Mental Health America and the National Alliance on Mental Illness. My question for you is whether or not you can think of a single unifying campaign for mental health advocacy. I can’t. I’ll peruse Twitter and I can find at least half-a-dozen different hashtag campaigns. Which is the most effective? If you wanted to donate to one of these organizations, how would you choose? Or if you were a local community outreach program looking for support and funding for a school anti-stigma program? Or a resource for your college campus? Which of these organizations offer funding for those types of programs? Are they contributing to research grants for mental health professionals to learn more about depression, or anxiety or bipolar? Are they funding suicide and crisis hotlines? It’s confusing and can actually dilute the efforts these organizations are making. I won’t pretend I know there’s an easy solution. Each organization has its stakeholders, whether it’s staff, sponsors, volunteers, etc. Many of them may have a niche that they serve- college students, veterans, or maybe family members of those coping with mental illness. But consider the overhead costs that could be saved if even some of these groups were to consolidate staff and offices. Think of the strength a unified strategy would have for public awareness. The pink ribbon for breast cancer is a powerful unifying symbol. Everyone knows what it is. What if there were a similarly powerful symbol for mental health? Unfortunately that’s unlikely to happen anytime soon with so many different groups out there promoting and pushing their own hashtag, their own wristband, or slogan. Even as consolidation appears unlikely, maybe these groups need to get together for an annual conference to discuss a unifying campaign that they can each promote to their constituencies. A common agenda and an organized strategy would end up helping more people than these Balkanized efforts. I’d love to hear some feedback on this, especially if you’re associated with one of these groups. Is it a concern you share? What are the things preventing groups from coming together? I want to hear from you! Paul Banuski Originally posted at: paulsletters.com Previous Posts From Paul:
About Paul Banuski: Paul Banuski is a thirty-one year old managing his depression and anxiety issues. In March of 2014 he survived a suicide attempt, and since then has been treating his mental health through a combination of therapy, medication and mindfulness practice. He writes about his experiences at PaulsLetters.com, a blog that touches on mental health, religion, politics, media and how they intersect. He lives in the Finger Lakes region of New York.
Connect With Paul Website: www.paulsletters.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/paulslttrs Twitter: @PaulsLttrs E-mail: paul@paulsletters.com
The first time melancholia, depression, anxiety – and by this I don’t refer to just a brief spell of the blues, which most people experience at times during their life – knocks you sideways it’s a case of, ‘you never knew what was coming ! Unless it was related to a serious problem in the sufferer’s life, such as bereavement, divorce, loss of their job, initially you can’t determine what’s wrong other than the dreadful effects. So, to the uninitiated, the initial signs of the onset of the Dark Night of the Soul are often a strange sense of unease and concern, even though nothing is outwardly amiss but, nonetheless, the queasiness and the unsettled mood are tangible and disturbing.
The abrupt early morning waking, usually before 5.00am each day, is hard to comprehend until, along with the shock of fear, dread, nausea and panic as to what the forthcoming day offered, it becomes a regular and frightening pattern. This waking is often so sudden and abrupt that it can be likened to the shock of having a bucket of ice cold water tipped over the sleeping body. Drenched in sweat on a cold Autumn morning and totally lacking in appetite until night fall, a deep depression would fail to lift, even if no crises occurred during the day. Occasionally, these demons could be seen off temporarily, but never totally banished, by an evening’s alcohol only to return by morning. During the gut-churning morning drive to work each day, the previously experienced pleasure of turning on the car radio to music in order to lift the spirits would, conversely, have the opposite effect as records recalled from happier, carefree, times only deepened the depression, evoking a sense of nausea and despair, drenching me in a clammy sweat even before I reached the purgatory of work where minor setbacks took on the magnitude of major proportions. Existence began to take on the quirks of a sadist as the odd optimistic moments, which offered a straw to clutch at, were rapidly dispelled at the first sign of some pessimistic mental signal, triggered, maybe, by something as ‘daft’ as a dark scene or episode in a television play or film. This was my lot the first time……. Michael Daniels
I am aged 68 and retired, though I have been providing help part time to the company I worked for, for over 20 years and retired from 3 years ago. I worked for most of my adult life as a Quality Manager in Industry. I am married and have two grown up children and four grandchildren. I read a lot and am currently halfway through an Open University degree course in Philosophy and Psychology.
Connect on Twitter: @Leveller49
It is hard when one is being torn between the best possible emotional stability for their child, and the fear of outsiders (psychologists, teachers, school mentors) looking into an unhealthy lifestyle that needs to be readjusted with positive thinking and higher self-esteem to bring about change. Living in an environment of criticism though arguably loving with a loud and demanding dictatorship on one side; and a caring, teaching, protective, though strict with guidelines and rules and an ever fighting and fearful spirit on the other side, made for a challenging family household. And for others to look into the dynamics of these surroundings was a terrifying experience knowing that in the past that household could have been destroyed and dissolved by these authorities. So a balance had to be achieved to not allow this to happen again. Protection at all times a must!
To say that I who overcame and balanced these stressful conditions for years is not of strength is ignoring a bold and fighting being, and yes, someone with purpose and ability. And to realize that I am of more capability than I allowed myself to recognize is shameful. I always made the choice that ultimately benefited the children though my heart may have been filled with fear. I always took into account the best for them, and discounted hiding or isolating. It was something that had to be done. And yes, I am a stronger person because of it. And though I was hospitalized two times while under these stressful conditions in the whole time of raising my children into adulthood while acquiring PTSD and managing Bipolar and Anxiety Disorder, I still managed to make the best contribution I could have to society – my beautiful children. I think as I am older now and the children are grown, what I struggle with is admitting that my Bipolar is a debilitating disorder that has taken away my career. I also know that the children are now on their own, and thankfully succeeding in life. My life has changed significantly and to learn new purpose has been difficult – though not impossible. I have dealt with oppressing challenge in the past and taken the prize. This is like nothing that I haven’t yet been able to achieve. The future is going to be bright, I’m sure. Kelsy King Connect with Kelsy http://thejourneyofpeaceandhappiness.me/ https://www.facebook.com/kelsy.king3 https://twitter.com/jadandkking https://www.facebook.com/insearchofjoy https://www.pinterest.com/vacationplease/
There are times when we have an idea that, on the surface, seems like it will be a good fit. The expectations seem reasonable and attainable, we may even have experienced success in the past. We know to anticipate a few ups and downs but for the most part, feel confident that the day will go well.
I had one of those days this week. We had made a plan to attend an amusement park with relatives. This type of outing has always gone quite well in the past. It was quite chaotic trying to get ready to leave that morning, but we finally made it onto the highway. It was a 1.5 hour drive to get to the park. We arrived and met up with another cousin who we hadn’t seen in a while. Everyone was excited to go in and start exploring the park and the rides. Smiles, laughter, boasting about previous experiences. Happiness. Within fifteen minutes of our arrival, anxiety took full control. It is always hard to watch this happen because you know that your child doesn’t choose this. The things that happen, the words that are said, this is the anxiety roaring and asserting itself as master. Anxiety chose escape as it’s only strategy that day. Escape was all that could be thought about. Get.Me.Out.Of.Here.Now. These moments are hard for a parent. You don’t want to “give in” by simply getting up and leaving. You need to do a very good assessment of the situation and determine the likelihood of being able to turn things around. You need to provide the time and opportunity to calm, to re-frame, to try again. And you need to set aside all your own hopes and expectations YOU had for the day, and really listen to what your child is trying to tell you. It was pretty clear that anxiety wanted nothing to do with the amusement park, but I still tried. We walked for a bit, hoping that the movement would help. It didn’t. We sat on a bench. Just sat there. Nope. We left the park and sat in our truck. I saw the anxiety loosen its hold a bit then. Muscles unclenched. I wasn’t ready to give up yet. We continued sitting there. Sometimes talking, sometimes not. Just allowing ourselves time. There just wasn’t going to be enough time on this day. That’s the thing about anxiety. It doesn’t give you a solid timeline for recovery. Ever. Sometimes we are able to manage it quickly and continue on with our day; and other times, like this day, it holds you tightly in its grip. Not willing to move on. When we finally drove out of the park, sleep took over. A full hour of sleep. Ah-ha. I started reflecting on the clues and the signals that had been sent my way. The excitement of the coming day had interrupted our sleep the night before. My child had provided me with clues earlier that morning, but in the rush to get ready to leave I didn’t give them the attention I should have. I thought about all the expectations I had recently placed on my child – we have been travelling to visit relatives – our time in the vehicle has exceeded 30 hours in the past ten days. Our longest stay in one place has been four days. And you know what? My child, this boy who craves routine and quiet and space, he has coped so well with this trip. Sometimes when things are going so well, we forget to pay attention to the details. We forget to look at and honour what it takes to cope with such a deviation away from our typical, quiet, predictable days. We assume that because things are going well they will continue to go well, forgetting all the energy that it takes to manage and cope. As he slept in the seat beside me, I could have embraced my own mom guilt about what had happened at the park, but instead I chose to think about all the successes we have already had on this trip. When he woke up we had a chance to talk about what had happened. He gave voice to all that I had been thinking about while he had been sleeping. It had simply been too much. We talked about our plans for the coming days. We would be staying in one place for the remainder of our trip. We would become more predictable and I would pay more attention to the signals he was giving me. When we arrived back home, we let the dog outside to play. Our child has a lot of anxiety about his dog being out off-leash, he is worried our dog will run away or get hurt. But on this day, the one that had been so hard, I asked my son to let me show him how our dog would listen and run with me when he was off his leash. Only for a minute. Reluctantly, he agreed. But he wanted to run with the dog, not me. I smiled as he unhooked the leash, and I directed him to run towards an outbuilding and then back towards me. It was a beautiful moment. Anxiety was replaced by JOY. My boy laughed and marvelled at how fast our dog could run, how quickly he could switch directions. He let the dog stay off leash for the rest of the time we were outside. And in those moments, my son had released his own tether to anxiety and both of them were free. Karen Copeland
Karen Copeland lives in Abbotsford BC. She has two children and has extensive experience navigating School, Health and Ministry Mental Health (children and youth) systems to obtain the services her family needs and deserves. Karen shares her experiences with others to create a broader understanding and awareness of the challenges families face when their child has a mental health challenge.
Connect With Karen Blog: http://championsforcommunitywellness.com Facebook: Champions for Community Mental Wellness Twitter: @KarenCopeland3
What does mental illness look like to you?
Someone who sits in bed all day, unable to face the world? A person who goes around crying all the time and is never happy? Or perhaps even a nutter who shouldn’t be alone with children? The reality is far less interesting. For you see, mental illness looks like…me. Or your brother, sister, mum, dad, uncle, friend, cousin. Even your son or daughter. Maybe even you. 1 in 4 people in the UK suffer from some form of mental illness. That’s an incredible number isn’t it? But despite what the newspapers, television programmes or social media might lead us to think, we’re not all nutters and weirdos. Most of us are normal people going about our business. Let me ask you a question. Before I opened up about it, did you know that I suffered from depression? What about anxiety? And here’s another question. Do you know that I still do? Or did you think I was all cured now? How many of you have stopped to ask? How many of you even know what depression and anxiety are? Depression is not being in a state of permanent sadness. Sufferers do not walk around constantly on the edge of tears. Most of us are not bed ridden or house bound recluses. Depression doesn’t care if you are happy or sad. As a matter of fact, depression is in some ways the complete absence of emotion. Life loses meaning, there is no joy to be found, no matter how we may be blessed. We exist because we have to but we do not live. Not really. But mental illness isn’t a real illness, is it? It’s all just in the head. It’s not like having cancer or breaking a bone. That’s real, I can see that, it’s physical. Well let’s put that myth to bed. Mental illness is real and believe it or not, it is physical as well as mental. Quite apart from the complex chemical imbalances that cause depression in many sufferers, symptoms include the very real physical properties of loss of energy, poor concentration, changes to diet and changes to behaviour. Sufferers may withdraw from life, isolate themselves. But even without these physical manifestations, the mental anguish is difficult enough. Imagine being told every day that you’re no good, that you’re stupid, that you’re ugly, that you’re fat, that you’re a failure, that you get everything wrong, that everyone hates you, that you don’t deserve happiness, that you can never change. Now imagine that this voice is your own. That is what it feels like to live with depression and anxiety. But if it’s all in the head, just stop thinking that way, right? Just forget about it, don’t take things so seriously, pull your socks up, get on with it, think how lucky you are! Oh if it were that easy. Depression is not feeling down because your favourite programme just finished or because they didn’t have any beans at the supermarket. Depression is a persistent, pervasive lowering of mood. It can come quickly, perhaps triggered by a specific event, or come on gradually. And anxiety is not worrying that you’ve run out of milk or that it might rain at the weekend. Anxiety is a state of hyper stimulation, locked in a constant state of readiness for an event that will never come, expecting the worst. Stress is not the enemy. Stress is a friend that gives us the impetus to move forward. But anxiety and depression hit when the stress becomes too much for too long. Like a kettle constantly at boiling point but never able to shut off. Or the elastic band, so pliable until you pull too hard for too long and it snaps in two. Mental illness destroys lives. Sometimes it even ends them. I am lucky. I had the opportunity to undergo therapy. I spent three months in a mental hospital, surrounded by patients with a broad spectrum of illness; from depression to OCD, bi-polar to self-harming. In some ways my mental illness cost me my job. At least it didn’t cost me my life. But two years on, I am far from cured. I am wracked by anxiety on a daily basis. Depression remains an uninvited guest, constantly banging on the door to come back in. Sometimes I let him, it becomes too difficult to say no. But it’s even harder to get him to leave. I decided to be open about my illness because I wanted to change and to show others that mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of. But many others are fighting their own private battles or suffering in silence. Together we can end the stigma around mental illness. Mental illness is not mental weakness. Scott Delonnette
I am a married father of twin girls and a young son.
In 2013 I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and spent three months receiving treatment at the Priory Hospital in Roehampton. As part of my recovery, I began exploring mental illness in blogs and stories and in 2014 I self-published three collections, which are available on Amazon. Recent pieces published on my website include a series exploring how a healthy living plan affected my mental health and a look at the highs and lows of being a parent whilst battling mental illness. I also write weekly retrogaming articles for a videogaming website. Website: http://1066allstars.webs.com/ Twitter: @Dirkgently1066
Ever since I can remember, I knew that there was something different about me. As a child, when it rained, my Mum would find me in the back garden sat under an umbrella with a blanket. She would ask me what I was doing and I’d always reply “I’m thinking.”
Whilst normal kids would be running around and splashing puddles I would immerse myself in the sounds of the precipitation and of my thoughts. Many children grow out of the “why” phases in life but mine grew deeper. I wanted to know why everything was the way it was. I longed for answers. There was a kid in my junior school who was clearly different and stood out for the wrong reasons. She was really scruffy looking and often smelled of urine. Her hair was always greasy and you could tell it was cut by someone who didn’t know what they were doing. Her Dad always walked her to school he was extremely scruffy too and the playground dubbed him “a tramp.” Kids could be cruel. I always watched him wait until his daughter disappeared into the school building and with a final wave and blown kiss he would walk away from the school gates. My heart would sink. I always made an effort to be nice to the girl. I’d talk to her when everyone avoided her. At home I would think of her and again my heart would sink. The feeling you get just seconds before you cry…I felt so sad for her and yet it was as if I was feeling her isolation and her pain. One of my all-time favourite films is The Color Purple. It was the first film to ever make me cry. I was quite young when I first saw it. “Nothing but death can keep me from it” When Celie and Nettie get separated is imprinted in my heart. I cried as a child and I cry as an adult. As a child, at night, I would think about the film and I felt sad for the characters then I felt sad for anyone in the world who had been separated. Anyone who has been abused. Anyone who was afraid to smile. Anyone who stood up for themselves. I think that film connected my heart with my brain but my thoughts projected a worry for everyone in the world. As a child this was overwhelming. One night there was a massive storm. I was awoken by a flash in my room. There was a silence in the darkness before a crash of thunder. My stomach flipped. I didn’t like it. I could hear the wind outside pick up and moments later the smashing of glass. My nerves immediately throbbed and my heart was pumping so hard it was like a drum in the room. To me, the smash was my parent’s window. I was convinced they were dead. The storm had killed them. I lay there frozen with fear. A cold sweat. More flashes of light in the room encouraging that beating drum to play louder. Harder. My consistent wonder and worry since being a child has enabled a highly sensitive life and I have been susceptible to both anxiety and depression. I’ve accepted being attuned to other people and their feelings but been unable to draw the line at taking these feelings on as if they are my own. Anxiety has taken me to the highest emotional building where depression has called me to jump to ground zero from the ledge. Boy do I jump. I’ve jumped so many times, crash landed and still end up back at the unnerving top. It’s something I’ll never get used to but things I accept as a way of life. Only these days I try to pack a parachute or ladder and hope the bit in between the two lasts longer each time. Gary Goulding
I'm 33 years old and living with mental illness. I originally trained in performing arts and in recent years worked in health and social care. I read books, listen to music and watch films to feel and connect and emotionally grow. I encourage uncontrollable pee-your-pants laughter and avoid the habit of a lifetime - to look at myself through other peoples eyes.
Connect With Gary Website: www.personalitiesmatter.com Twitter: @gazpmatter Facebook: Click Here
Focus on your body
It's actually impossible to focus your attention onto your body and worry at the same time. Try it! Focus all of your attention on the feeling in your feet and toes. Notice the way they feel inside your shoes, pay attention to any tingles and their temperature. When we're fully focused on our bodies, there's no room for worry or overthinking and a calmness can take over the mind. You can do this anywhere to instantly start to feel calmer. Get moving Often a racing mind can be caused by an excess of adrenaline in the body. We we perceive something as a threat, adrenaline is produced in an attempt to help us to deal with the situation. But this can mean our thoughts are all over the place and it's hard to concentrate on anything and feel calm. Exercise can help in a number of different ways. It can help us to burn off excess adrenaline and produce feel good hormones in the body that induce a sense of calm. In fact, the National Health Service in the UK say that if exercise was a medication, it would be one of the most effective ever! Acts of Kindness It's all too easily to get caught up in our own concerns – but something really interesting happens when we turn our attention to helping someone else. We're distracted away from our own troubles! Doing an act of kindness has been shown to help you to feel more positive as well as boosting your sense of worth and value. Things like giving up your seat, buying food for a homeless person or paying someone a compliment could all help you to calm your mind and feel better. Get it written down Thoughts and worries can go around and around in our heads endlessly. However something interesting happens when we write down our thoughts. We get it 'out' of our minds and into black and white. Somehow, seeing it written down helps us to get a clearer perspective on things. We're also offloading it and this can be a big relief. Try it by just putting pen to paper and writing a stream of consciousness. As any thought or worry pops into your head, write it down. It can be helpful to do this is the morning to set you up for the day, or at night to calm your mind before bed. Be Present Being more present is one the best ways to calm the mind. If we're truly focused on what we're doing and experiencing in the here and now, we're distracted away from worries and concerns. Being present is like a muscle, we have to exercise it and when we do it gets stronger. Practise paying close attention to the things that you're doing; if you're doing the washing up, notice all the sensations, the things you see, feel and smell. If you're walking along the street, practise being present then too, notice the feeling of the ground underfoot, the air on your skin, the sights and sounds around you. When we tune into our senses and pay attention, it's almost impossible to worry at the same time. Take time for yourself When it's all go go go, it's no wonder our minds can feel anything but calm. We're so often bombarded with information, demands on our attention and things that we have to do. How can you build some time and space into your day to give yourself a mental break? Perhaps consider a walk at lunchtime or some time to read a book, talk to a friend or get some exercise. Taking some time for yourself is a vital part of helping you to feel your best and helping your mind to function at it's best too! Talk to someone Our thoughts can seem a lot more terrible when we keep them all to ourselves. Talking to a friend or loved one and 'getting things out' can be an amazing way of releasing the mental burden. Don't keep things all to yourself, reach out to others and know that you are not alone. I'd love to hear from you about any tips you have for calming the mind. Let us know in the comments. Chloe Brotheridge
Chloe Brotheridge is an anxiety therapist and Calm Coach. Get a FREE relaxation MP3, one of the most powerful tools for creating more mental calm, by signing up at www.calmer-you.com
Connect With Chloe Facebook: @Calmeryou2 Twitter:@CBrotheridge By Joseph C. Lee, M.D. “In the past when my father was diagnosed with cancer, it made me more focused, more dedicated, more connected to him. I was the best version of myself then. Now, I feel so frail. I don’t feel like my normal self.” “I feel like I’m always one step removed.” “I actually don’t feel sad. I don’t feel anything. I know that this should feel good, but it doesn’t.” “I can’t get out of bed, even though a part of me knows that if I get out of bed, I’ll probably feel better. But I can’t get up.” These are all ways in which people in my practice have described what they’ve felt during seasons of Depression. What they all have in common is that when they were depressed, they didn’t feel like their normal selves. I sometimes use this self-awareness to help people understand that this unfamiliar state only reinforces that what they are experiencing is indeed a clinical Depression, and not a “normal” reaction to difficult circumstances. This is one of the most valuable insights that I learned from one of my mentors during residency – that there’s “misery” which we’re all bound to experience at some point in our lives, and then there’s Depression, and they are not the same. I’ve previously discussed the important role of emotions as it pertains to motivation, health and wellbeing[1] – and this includes the value of unpleasant emotions[2]. Some of these feelings that may not feel so great are necessary to help provide us the awareness and in turn the motivation to help course correct our behavior back towards healthiness. For example: Feelings of misery cause us to reflect on our negative circumstances and eventually create an internal tension so great that it creates a willingness to take the risks necessary to make meaningful changes in our lives. Feelings of sadness are experienced when we’ve suffered a loss, and the process of grieving allows us to appreciate what we have, and take inventory of what is needed to move forward. Feelings of loneliness help us to recognize our universal need for connection, creating an internal sense of longing, which builds a motivation to fulfill our relationship needs by seeking out opportunities to reach out to others. All of these experiences are emotionally painful, but just like physical pain, they alert us to problems in our lives, and provide motivation and direction to attempt to resolve these issues. All of these experiences are also normal parts of our shared human experience. 100% of us will experience misery, sadness, and loneliness at different times throughout our whole lives, and if we respond appropriately, it’s a good thing. Depression is different. Though certain emotions can feel depressing, a capital “D” Depression (or formally called a Major Depressive Episode) is a prolonged state of dysfunction, outside the scope of normal human experience. It is more common than most people think. About 7% of the American population will experience a Major Depressive Episode in any given year, but most people will not experience depression in their lifetime. However, it is common enough that you are very likely to know someone within your inner social circle that has experienced Depression, or you yourself may be that person. In fact, even by conservative measures, about 1 in 8 women will experience a depressive episode in their lifetime, which is about the same percentage of women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer. For men, the risk over a lifetime is about 1 in 15. To make these statistics more realistic, take the average sized class of 30 students. Two of the boys and four of the girls in that class will have Depression in their lifetime. Another very important distinction between unpleasant emotions and Depression is related to the source of the feelings. Whereas normal emotional experiences are a natural response to circumstance (outside factors), the symptoms of Depression are caused by internal factors within the brain. For example, a person feels miserable because they have an ungratifying, underpaying job that they spend 70 hours a week at. Outside-in. Depression causes a person to believe that their previously perfectly acceptable job is now overwhelmingly difficult and stressful. Inside-out. Healthy emotions are also responsive to acute changes in environment. If a person is understandably feeling sad and lonely because of a recent breakup, some caring friends might be able to temporarily cheer him up by taking him out and providing good company to get his mind off of things. If a person is depressed, regardless of a change in environment or the presence of other positive relationships, this person still feels empty, disconnected, and is unable to enjoy themselves. If someone hates their job but goes on a two week vacation to Hawaii, they can have fun and relax while away, and will likely start feeling bad on the return flight anticipating their first day back to work. With Depression, that person still feels depressed in Hawaii, again because it is the internal state of mind that dictates their mood. Depression is also much more than an emotional problem, but a reflection of the expansive dysfunction of the whole mind, where its symptoms reach into all the primary domains of brain functioning – including the physical, cognitive and emotional. In fact, when looking at the core symptoms of Depression, we can see that they are divided into these three categories: Physical – changes to appetite, changes to baseline sleep patterns, changes to energy levels, changes to motivation and drive Cognitive – concentration problems, memory difficulties, negative thinking patterns (hopelessness, helplessness, worthlessness) Emotional – inability to regulate mood properly, diminished ability to experience positive emotions, excessive feelings of guilt A simpler way to think of how best to summarize these changes are that all brain functions are diminished during a depressive episode, and the above symptoms are the manifestation of that diminished functioning. Some symptoms are a result of losing the regulatory functions of the brain, such as with disturbances in sleep, appetite, and mood. Other symptoms are the direct result of impaired functioning – such as a lack of positive emotion, slowed thinking, low energy and drive. These core dysfunctions of the primary abilities of the brain lead to secondary impairments in social, occupational and the otherwise normal routines of daily functioning. The severity of impairment is usually a combination of symptom severity along with the degree to which cognitive distortions affect a person’s behavior. Depression by itself feels bad enough, but if a person is convinced that they can’t get out of bed, isn’t eating much, isolates, and recycles negative thoughts in their head all day long – they will feel worse. The most dangerous outcome of such distorted thinking is the triad of feeling hopeless, helpless and worthless – paired with the genuine anguish of Depression. This commonly leads to passive thoughts of dying as a form of relief to their suffering, and at its worst can lead to persistent thoughts of suicide. However, it is crucial to know that full recovery from depressive episodes is the norm, and so suicide would be an even more tragic attempt to find a permanent solution to temporary pain. With Depression, it will always resolve and recovery is usually complete. As described above, the symptoms experienced during Depression are a reflection of problems of brain functioning, not related to brain injury. To use a modern analogy, if your brain was a computer, it’s more akin to a software problem, not a hardware issue. Once the software bug has been fixed, you can usually expect the computer to run as well as it did before. Talking about fixes, the good news is that Depression is readily treatable and most people respond positively. One big reason has to do with its episodic nature to begin with – there’s a beginning, and thankfully there’s an end. These episodes can last for a couple of weeks, or more commonly for few months. But almost always, they end. So in one sense, the most reliable “treatment” for Depression is time. However, there’s a lot of suffering during a Depression so all active treatments are therefore aimed at effectively reducing the severity, intensity, duration and recurrence of symptoms. The most common options for treatment are the use of medication or structured talk therapy, the most studied and practiced being Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Many studies validate that the combination of the two tends to better than either alone. Beyond that, there’s also procedures that can be done for more severe cases, including rTMS and ECT. From the perspective of Mental Healthiness principles, I’ve previously discussed specific ways in which research has demonstrated that positive relationships, growth mindsets, and strategies that support self-efficacy also can be effectively used to not only treat a depressive episode, but also contributes to greater mental health in the long term, providing greater protection against future recurrence as well.[3] Misery, sadness, and loneliness are universal experiences of our human lives. Like all emotion, when we learn to recognize and effectively use them, they provide us healthy motivation and direction to resolve our problems and meet our needs. This is good. This is healthy. Depression is not good nor healthy. It is an experience that in some ways can feel like these normal emotional states, but in every other way is more painful, dysfunctional, and reflects an unhealthy state of mind. Thankfully, there’s many helpful and safe ways to accelerate the process of healing when depressed, and people always recover because depression comes and goes like the seasons. Winter inevitably ends and leads into the Spring. If you think that you or someone you care about may be experiencing Depression, reach out to someone and get help, because it will do just that – it will help. [1] http://mentalhealthinessblog.com/2015/03/20/a-whole-brain-theory-of-human-motivation-part-1/ [2] http://mentalhealthinessblog.com/2014/11/06/the-value-of-unpleasant-emotion/ [3] http://mentalhealthinessblog.com/2015/01/08/psychiatry-and-mental-healthiness-part-3-depression/
About Dr. Joseph Lee: I’m a Psychiatrist in private practice in Redondo Beach, CA. After completing my training at the UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute, my post-residency learning has been influenced by the successes and challenges of being a psychotherapist, the life changing experience of becoming a parent, as well as the study of Interpersonal Neurobiology, Social Cognitive Neuroscience, Nonviolent Communication, Positive Psychology, and Emotions Research. My other interests include spending time with my wife and kids, playing basketball, eating good food, the Lakers, and U2.
Blog: www.mentalhealthinessblog.com Twitter: @mntlhealthiness Facebook: @mentalhealthiness |
Build Your Action Based Stress Reduction System
Popular PodcastsOlympian Suzy Favor Hamilton - From Fame to Prostitution to Advocacy
Hall of Fame Basketball Star Chamique Holdsclaw on Mental Resilience Diana Nightingale on her husband Earl Nightingale's Principles for Mental Health Success JoAnn Buttaro on Date Rape & PTSD Survival Story: Its Never Too Late Gabe Howard on BiPolar Advocacy Phil Fulmer on Teen Suicide Prison, Bipolar and Mania with Andy Behrman Columbia Univeristy's Dr. Rynn on OCD Archives
March 2018
Categories
All
|