A Letter to Suicide (Guest Post)

Post Design and Article by Christy Zigweid
Photo by geralt via Pixabay CC

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Dear Suicide:

Please stop trying to convince me I am not worthy of love, respect, feeling my feelings, and living. I have a mental illness but it doesn't define me and I'm sorry you can't handle that. I know you want my illness to take over and pull me into the depths of self-hatred. You get your power when I'm convinced I'm not worthy of this life.

You are a coward. And I'm done listening to you. Today I am taking my power back. Today I am going to take it one step at a time and turn my back on you. I no longer need your false validation to convince me people are better off without me, that this life is full of nothing but pain. I'm better off without you.

For so long I've sat with you on my shoulder, turning to you when life gets too hard, when I'm cruel to myself, and when others' words hurt me. Surprisingly enough, you have been a comfort to me. Because I've always seen you as an option. But you are NOT and option any longer. You are NOT a comfort to me. You've fed off my insecurities and I'm sick of it.

I hate you for intensifying my emotions and experiences to the point of feeling I have no other choice. I hate you for taking advantage of my weaknesses. I hate you for sitting on my shoulder and comforting me in my times of darkness.

Today, I will join with my support system to kick you to the curb. While  I'm not successful 100% of the time keeping you at bay, know that if you try to come back in I will kick you to the curb again and again and again.

I will no longer let you control me. I will no longer miss out on the precious moments I too often fail to recognize. And most of all, I will no longer feed into your power and negativity. Because it is false. Because it is not the truth. And because I know deep down I am stronger than you.

So good-bye suicide. Pack your bags and head to the door. You are no longer welcome here.

Sincerely,

I'm Too Strong For You

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*If you've attempted suicide or thought of suicide, THANK YOU for holding on. I'm glad you are here. 

**If you or someone you know is suicidal, please contact the authorities immediately. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)**

**You can also use the Crisis Text Line - just type START to 741-741

 *Would you like to tell your story of living with mental illness and mental resilience? Consider guest posting on ConquerWorry.org? Email Jay (at) ConquerWorry (dot) org today.

This article originally appeared on www.christyzigweid.com

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About the Author

Christy Zigweid is a writer, household CEO, wife of a musician, and mother to two great kids. She holds a bachelor’s degree in elementary education and special education and has been a stay-at-home mom since 2007. A fighter of depression and anxiety, she uses her words to inspire and offer hope. She is an advocate for mental health and suicide awareness. "A New Beginning," her first published short story is featured in Mosaic: a Compilation of Creative Writing, which was published March 2015. She also has a short story featured on Short Fiction Break titled "1,862 Days." If you don’t see her nose stuck in a book, you will likely find her behind a computer screen or spending time with her family.
Visit her website: www.christyzigweid.com
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